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CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 




Ath*t/2/uZL 



Captain Lettarblair 



A Comedy in Three Acts 
Written for E. H. SOTHERN 



By 
MARGUERITE MERINGTON 

Arranged from the prompt-book used in 
the original Lyceum production 



Illustrated with photographs of the play 



INDIANAPOLIS 

THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 



Copyright 1906 
The Bobbs-Merrill Company 



October 

Published by Courtesy of Daniel Frohman 
Owner of the Acting Rights 



LIBRARY of CONGRESS 

Two Conies Received 

AUG 23 1906 

Copyright Entry 

OUiSSf OL XXc. No. 

COPY B. 









INSCRIBED WITH REGARD 

TO 

MR. & MRS. E. H. SOTHERN 



CHARACTERS 

Captain Lettarblair Litton . Of the Irish Fusiliers 

Dean Ambrose . An Eminent Divine of the Old School 

Pinckney . The Dean's Private Secretary, afterward a 
Subaltern in the Irish Fusiliers 

Francis Merivale . A Country Squire, Suitor to Fanny 

Mr. Seton ...... Fanny's Guardian 

Lord Willougiiby . . .Of the Irish Fusiliers 

Smithers . A Clerk in the Office of Seton and Catesby 

Jorkixs . Servant to Lettarblair 

Henry .... A Servant at the Deanery 

Frances Hadden . . The Dean's Orphan Niece 

Hyacinth Messiter . , . The Dean's Love 

Polly Messiter „ Hyacinth's Niece 



ACT I 

Morning Room at Beechwood " Loves Me?" 

ACT II 

(ONE WEEK LATER) 

Litton's Quarters in Barracks at Southampton 
"Loves Me Not" 



ACT III 

(SIX MONTHS LATER) 

Scene i— Office of Seton & Catesby, Solicitors, 
London 

Scene 2 — By the Sun-Dial, in the Garden at 

Beechwood, the Following Day 

"Loves Me!" 



ILLUSTRATIONS 

Page 

E. H. Sothern as Captain Letlarblair Frontispiece 

"Well, don't mind me!" 32 ' 

" I can't get beyond the spell of your eves ! " 36 -- 

" 'Tis a lady I'm addressing, not a letter ! " 40^, 

" Merivale, you're a mind-reader ! " 46 ' 

" And next the Dean will confide it to — The devil ! " — 58 

" I represent Seton and Catesby, and I — " 96 ,• 

" Well, then ? make it two-sixty ! " too 

" Kitty Tyrrell knocked down to Lord Willoughby " 104 

" Here's to having paid all I owe ! " 108 „ 

" Why then, these are his rooms ! " 134 

" Why, there's the handle !" 1 36 

<< Stand back ! " .138. 

"You cur !" 148 / 

" The Heir of Crawford may love me all he damn 

pleases " 182 

" Believe me, if all those endearing young charms " 190 > 

" Oh, when he comes I shall say — I shall say — " 200 

" Come-back-to-me Fanny ! " 202 

" Hackneyed, but much better ! " 208 



YCEUM THEATRE- 

NEW YORK THRATRECO., • 
DANIEL FROHMAN, .... 



PROPRIETORS 
MANAGER 



Thursday, October 22, 1891, at 2 P M. 



SPECIAL AUmOR'S MATINEE 



First presentation on any stage of a new Comedy, in Three Acts and 
Four Scenes, entitled 

LBTTAEBLAIE 

Or, LOVES ME, LOVES ME NOT. 
By- MARGUERITE MERINGTON 



CHARACTERS. 

CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR LITTON ("Royal Irish Fusiliers"). . .E. H. SOTHERN 

DEAN AMBROSE, his uncle HARRY EYT1NGE 

PERCIVAL PINKNEY, Dean's Secretary WRIGHT HUNTINGTON 

FRANCIS MERIVALE, a neighboring Squire, suitor to Fanny , . MOR I ON SELTEN 

MR. SETON, a lawyer, Fanny's trustee AUGUSTUS COOK 

JORKINS, Litton s servant-* ' R. I. Fusiliers") ROWLAND BUCKSTONE 

SMITH ERS, Mr. Seton's clerk., , PERCY SAGE 

HENRY, Dean's servant .FRANK LEIDEN 

FANNY HADDEN, Mr. Seton's ward VIOLA ALLEN 

(Through counesy of Mr. Joseph JeffersonJ 

POLLY MESSITER. the Dean's God daughter... JENNY DUNBAR 

HYACINTH TvlESSITER, her aunt.,; ......KATE PATTISON-SELTEN 



Time— The Present. 
ACT I.— The Dean's house. Beechwood. " Loves me ?" 

ACT II — Capt. Litton's quarters in the barracks at Southampton. " Loves me not." 
ACT III.- Sc«ne i— Mr. Seton's office, London. Scene 2— The sun-dial, Beechwood. 



Loves me. 



Alas, how easily things go Wrong ! 

A word unsung in a lover's song, 

And trere cometh a mist and a blinding rain, 

And life is never the same again." 



Alas, how hardly things go right ! 
A storm may come in a summer's night, 
The stars will fade in the gloom awav, 
And a summer's night is a winter's'day. 



Scenery painted for this production bv Reg. Morgan. 
Music oy Henry Huerner. 



Every Evening and Wednesday and Saturday Matinee, E. H. Sothern and Company in 
"The Dancing Girl." 

*** The Stock Company of the Lyceum THEA7RB-will reappear for the regular Winter Season Novem- 
ber 16. when the first of a series of ne.V plays will be presented. 



Programme continued on next page. 



YCEUM THEATRE. 

S^IE Y L ^0 T H H M E A A N TRECO ' "°SBSEfi 

Commencing Tuesday, Aug. 16. 1892 Evenings 8 16 laiiBft SatMday it 2 

SIXTH ANNUAL ENGAGEMENT (under the Management of DaNIBL FROHMAN) of 
In a new Comedy, in Three Acts and Four Scenes, entitled 

Capt. LETT ARBL AIR 

By MARGUERITE MERINGTON, 



CHARACTERS. 

CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR LITTON ('* Royal Irish Fusiliers ')... .E. H. SOTHERK 

DEAN AM BROSE. his uncle C P. FLOCKTON- 

PERCIVAL PINKNEY, Dean's Secretary LAWRENCE CLARK 

FRANCIS MERIVALE, a neighboring Squire, suitor to Fanny.. MORTON SELTEN 

MR. SETON. a lawyer, Fanny's trustee CHAS A. SMILEY 

JORKINS, Litton's servant (" R. I. Fusiliers") ROWLAND BUCKSTONE 

SMITHERS, Mr. Seton's clerk TULLY MARSHALL 

HENRY. Dean's servant FRANK LEIDEN 

FANNY HADDEN, Mr. Seton's ward VIRGINIA HARNED 

POLLY MESSITER, the D*an's God daughter JENNY DUNBAR 

HYACINTH MESSITER, her aunt KATE PATTISON-SELTEN 

' itne — The Present 

ACT I. — The Dean's house, Beechwood. "Loves me?" 

ACT II. — Capt. Litton's quarters in the barracks at Southampton. " Loves me not." 

ACT III.— Scene i— Mr. Seton's office, London. 

(Intermission— thirty seconds.) 
Scene 2 — The sun-dial, Beechwood " Loves me." 

"AUs how easily things so wrong ! 
A word unsung in a lover's song. 
And ther- cometh a mist and a blinding rain. 
And life is never the same again." 

"Alas, how hardly things go right ! 
A S'orm mav come in a summer's night. 
The stars will fade in the gloom away 
And a summer's night is a winter's day " 

•»* The Stock Comoany 01 the Lycsum Thbatrk will reappear for the regular Winter Season 
November 14. wben the first of a series of new plays will be presented. 

Programme continued on second page following. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 



ACT I 

The interior of a well-furnished library in the Deanery at 
Beechwood, near Southampton, England. It is evening of 
an early spring day, and a grate fire throws a welcome glow 
over the room, with its handsome dark red carpet partly 
covered by three dark rugs, its large library table, a leather- 
covered lounge, an upright piano, and several chairs of the 
same heavy dark wood as the table. Two smaller tables 
stand one at either end of the room ; books and ornaments 
are lying about on the tables; several palms stand in con- 
venient niches, and the piano is littered with music sheets. 
The room presents an aspect of comfort and orderly dis- 
order. 

The Dean, a man of deliberate manner and fatherly be- 
nignity combined with a childlike ingenuousness, is seated 
on a sofa a little at the left, with his friend Mr. Seton, a 
lawyer of the old-school type. Pinckney, a volatile and im- 
petuous youth, is seated at the table, writing; Polly, spright- 
ly yet practical, leans over his shoulder. The Dean is poring 
over a railway guide. 

Dean 

Handing time-table to Seton. 

This is the best train to take, if you must leave 
us, Mr. Seton. 

Mr. Seton 

Thanks for your hospitality, Dean; but I must 

go- 
Reads. 



2 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Urn — urn — five — six — Limited Express. This A- 
B-C is very confusing. 

Gives back time-table. 

PlNCKNEY 

Rising. 

'Tis easy as A-B-C. 

Polly 
To a man of letters ! 

Pinckney takes the time-table from the Dean. 

Mr. Seton 

Well, I must be on the move. Has the evening 

mail come in yet? I expect some important 

letters. 

Polly 

Goes to the window, followed by Pinckney. 

We'll watch for the post-bag. 

Dean 

Pinckney ! Go on with your writing, sir ! 

Pinckney returns to the table. 

Pinckney 
Yes, Dean ! — I'm sorry I promised to copy this 

rubbishy sermon. 

Aside, impassioned. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 3 

Oh, Fanny, I did it to be near thee ! 

Mr. Seton 

And I must say good-bye to Fanny — and to 
Litton, too. What has become of them? 

Polly 

Fanny is riding with Captain Litton, as usual ! 

Laughs. 

PlNCKNEY 

As usual Captain Litton is riding with Fanny ! 

With jealousy. 

Mr. Seton 

Suddenly interested. 

Aha! 

Dean 

That reminds me, Mr. Seton, I have something 
to say to you in the strictest confidence. 

PlNCKNEY 

Reading copy. 
" — of the problem novel which, like the noxious 
weeds that choke the garden with their pestilen- 



4 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

tial growth — " Oh, humbug! Polly, two s's in 
pestilential ? 

Polly holds up one finger. 

Dean, have you ever read this problem novel? 

Dean 

Certainly not ! How dare you insinuate that I 
encourage such literature ? 

Pinckney resumes writing. 

Mr. Seton 

To Dean. 

You were about to say — ? 

Dean 

Speaking of my niece Fanny, the responsibility 
of her marriage rests with you, as her guardian 
and trustee — 

Mr. Seton 
— and with you as her nearest living relative. But 
is there any present question of Fanny's marriage ? 

Dean 

Apparently. She has many suitors, some of 
whom will not take no for an answer. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 5 

Mr. Seton 

Some of them will have to. But, pray, who are 
these wooers ? 

Dean 

To begin near home, there's Pinckney. He's a 
good boy, though he hasn't any brains to speak of., 

Pinckney 

Has been listening. Rises. 
What's that, Dean ? 'Tis quality, not quantity, 
that counts. 

Dean 

Reproving. 
Pinckney ! 

Polly puts Pinckney back in seat and goes be- 
hind chair. 

Mr. Seton 

Surely you would not think Pinckney a suitable 
match ? 

Polly 

Who has listened. 
Indeed I should, but not for Fanny ! 

Polly goes to the conservatory. 



6 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Dean 
And there is young Merivale. 

Mr. Seton 
What account can you give of Merivale? 

Dean 

Only what he gives of himself, — and that is ex- 
cellent. 

Mr. Seton 

Shakes his head. 

H'm ! Wise men keep their accounts to them- 
selves. 

Dean 

And there is the latest comer on the field, our 
young Irish kinsman, Lettarblair. 

Mr. Seton 
Does Fanny show any preference, think you? 

Dean 

Yes ! I am afraid the wind blows off the coast 
of Ireland. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 7 

Mr. Seton 

Pleased. 
Capital ! 

Dean 

You surprise me, Seton ! We know nothing of 
the young man. 

Mr. Seton 

Your pardon, Dean ; I know everything. And 
in confidence, I have a strong reason for hoping 
he will marry Fanny. 

Dean 

Surprised. 

Really! You have never hinted at any such 
reason. 

Mr. Seton 

Because reason is fatal to women and love af- 
fairs. If the young people come together it must 
be from choice. But a great wrong will be right- 
ed if we join their hands. 

Dean 

I am glad to know this, because Merivale has 
pressed his suit most vigorously since Litton's 



8 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

advent — and I have encouraged him. He is a 
neighbour — 

PlNCKNEY 

Writing. 

"Let us love our neighbours." Oh, humbug! 

Throws down pen in disgust. 

Polly 

At window, speaking to Dean.- 

Godfather, here is Aunt Hyacinth crossing the 

garden. She said she would come for a game of 

whist with you. Mr. Seton, do you believe in 

marriage ? 

Mr. Seton 

Always, Polly, except when I have to help in 
the undoing of it. 

Polly 
And, Godfather, don't you believe in it? 

Dean 

Oratorically. 
Assuredly, my flock — I mean, Polly — else how 
could I solemnise the rite? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 9 

Polly 

Her arm around Dean's neck. 
Then why don't you do it yourself? 

The Dean is embarrassed. Polly laughs. 

Hyacinth 

Entering. 
Good evening, friends! 

Dean and Seton both advance to meet her. 
Mr. Seton laughs, Dean embarrassed. 

Mr. Seton 

Your servant, Miss Messiter. You find us two 
old bachelors discussing marriage. 

Hyacinth 

Sentimentally. 

Ah, marriages are made in Heaven ! 

PlNCKNEY 

At table. 

Sometimes they get no further ! 
Dean 

Embarrassed. 
Pinckney, attend to your writing, sir ! 



io CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Polly 

At window. 
There's the post-bag ! Let's get the letters ! 

Rushes off. 
PlNCKNEY 

Anything for a change ! 

Runs off after Polly, who leaves by the win- 
dow. 

Dean 

Miss Hyacinth, will you be my partner — may 
I offer you a hand ? 

Miss Hyacinth appears embarrassed. 



Mr. Seton 

Quizzically. 

The Dean offers you his hand ! 



Dean 

Hastily explaining. 

At whist. 

Takes Hyacinth's hand, pauses, turns. Hya- 
cinth proceeds to card-table. 

I forgot to say, Mr. Seton, that Merivale will 
be here presently for his answer. 

Hyacinth and Dean bring card-table to foot of 
sofa. Dean gets chair, places it at card-table. 
Hyacinth gets one from above door. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR n 

Mr. Seton 

Consults his watch. 
I'll give him his answer. 

Enter Pinckney and Polly, carrying letter-bag. 
PlNCKNEY 

Here we are. Letters for everybody of every 
kind and quality. Red letters, dead-letters, capi- 
tal letters, love-letters, bills and billets-doux. 

Slaps letter-bag on the table, scattering papers 
front of table. 

Polly 
Oh, Godfather, see all your notes go flying! 

Hyacinth dealing cards. 

Dean 

Pinckney! Such carelessness is inexcusable; 
all my "thoughts" are scattered to the winds ! 

Dean takes letter from Pinckney. 

Mr. Seton 
We'll collect your scattered thoughts. 

Polly kneels front of table, picking up papers. 



12 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Dean 
Look at "fourteenthly" lying on the floor ! 

Pinckney 
Here's "sixteenthly" ! Sweet sixteenthly! 

Dean 
Pinckney ! 

Pinckney 
And here are your "Last Words," Dean. 

Dean 

Gives letters to Seton. 
Pinckney ! Mr. Seton, sir, your mail. 

Enter Merivale. 

Dean 
Good evening, Mr. Merivale. 

Merivale 

Good evening, Dean. 

Nods to others. Merivale places cane on piano. 
Dean takes zither from head of sofa and 
places it on table. They talk apart a minute 
while Mr. Seton reads letter, 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 13 

Mr. Seton 

Reading letter to himself. 

"Come immediately, matter cleared up about 
John Robinson's will and Crawford estate. " 
Good! Now if only the young people will have 
the sense to fall in love with each other — ! 
Good! 

Dean motions Seton, who comes up. Dean pre- 
sents Merivale' to Mr. Seton. They shake 
hands stiffly. 

PlNCKNEY 

Holds up letter in yellow envelope. 

Here's a letter for Captain Lettarblair Litton, 
care of Dean Ambrose, Beechwood. I'd like to 
know what's inside it ! 

Merivale 

Turns from Mr. Seton and speaks over his 
shoulder to Pinckney. 

A bill, no doubt. 

Pinckney 
It looks bilious. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Throws Litton's letter on table. Takes out his 
own letter — blue envelope. 



14 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Dean 

Behind sofa. 

Pinckney! How dare you comment on a 
guest's private correspondence! Come and join 
us at the card-table, sir. 

Hyacinth seats herself on foot of sofa. 

Pinckney 

Waving official blue envelope. 

Hurrah ! From the Horse Guards — War Of- 
fice ! Hurrah ! I've received my commission. 

Polly joins him, leaning on his shoulder. 

Dean 

If your faults of commission are equal to your 
faults of omission, I'm sorry for the British 



army, sir. 



Dean and Hyacinth bring card-table forward 
a little. Dean, Hyacinth, Pinckney and Polly 
sit down to cards. Merivale appears to take 
idle interest in the game, while Seton medi- 
tates. 



Hyacinth 
Won't Mr. Seton take a hand? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 15 

Seton 

With a smile and a sigh. 

Ah, Madam, solitaire is the only game I play! 
Solitaire ! 

PlNCKNEY 

At cards. 

One, two, three, four, and kiss the Dean — I 
mean the dealer, Miss Hyacinth ! 

Hyacinth 

In a flutter. 
Oh, I really must be excused ! 

Dean 

Angrily. 

Pinckney, sir! How dare you — er — secularise 
whist ! 

Merivale 

Sitting on edge of table, addresses Seton. 

My attachment for your ward is deep and sin- 
cere! 

Polly 

To Pinckney, at cards. 
Some people don't know a heart from a club ! 



16 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Merivale 

Even if I myself may not win Fanny, I grieve 
to see her thrown away! 

Seton 
Thrown away! How so? Upon whom? 

Merivale 

The Irishman, of course! 

Seton 

Among a certain class of Englishmen it is a 
habit to look with suspicion upon all Irishmen, 
but — 

Merivale 

Interrupting. 

Oh, I own to a distinct insular prejudice 
against — 

Seton 

Interrupting. 

Insular, Mr. Merivale! Must I remind you 
that Erin also is an island, and not — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 17 

Merivale 

— a distinct British — prejudice, I should say, 
against adventurers ! 

Goes to mantel and leans elbow on it. 

I happen to know something of Litton's private 
affairs. They are written in three letters : I O U ! 

Seton 

You mistake, sir! True, the captain is bur- 
dened by a heavy debt — 

Merivale 

Debts — which he hopes to discharge by mar- 
riage with an heiress ! 

Seton 



Which debt he is honourably discharging ! Nor 
is 
ther- 



was the obligation of his incurring. His fa- 



Merivale 

I remember ! Old Litton's criminal folly near- 
ly wrecked the Crawford Bank. No wonder Lit- 
ton starves himself to hush up the story. 



1 8 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Hyacinth 

At cards. 
Trump at all, trump high ! 

Seton 

Litton might publish the story and be proud of 
it. His father died under the shadow of the gen- 
eral belief in his guilt. His partner, his friend, 
the only man who could have cleared his name, 
was silent. 

Merivale 

John Robinson, you mean. Since he is dead 
he will remain silent. 



Polly 
There's a knave for you ! 



At cards. 



Seton 

Ah, the dead sometimes speak ; and we old 
lawyers are their confidants. My visit to the con- 
tinent is to receive such a message. 

Rises, looks at watch. 

Come, Mr. Merivale, time presses, but in view of 
your disinterested attachment to my ward — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLA1R 19 

Hyacinth 

At cards. 
Tis his only good card ! 

Mr. Seton 
— let me assure you that Captain Litton is no 
adventurer, but a highly honourable gentleman. 

Putting on glove. 

Although he could contest it, for his father's 
sake he is paying off the debt to the Crawford 
estate from the revenues of his Irish property. 
His means are only temporarily straitened; so 
pray dismiss the thought that Miss Hadden will 
throw herself away if she chooses to marry him. 



Polly 
Aha ! You're beaten ! 


At cards, claps hands. 


Merivale 


Aside. 


Beaten ? Not yet ! 


Enter Henry. 



Henry 

The carriage is ready, sir ! 

The card-players rise. Pinckney puts card- 
table aside and goes to window. Hyacinth 



20 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

joins Polly. Dean goes to screen, taking 
overcoat with cape, shovel hat and scarf. 
Hyacinth assists him to put these on. 

Seton 

Consulting watch. 

By Jove, I must be off ! 

Holds out hand to Merivale. 

Thank you, Mr. Merivale, for taking a no in 
such good part ! 

Merivale 

Shaking hands with Seton. 
Don't mention it ! — 

Aside. 

since a no from the guardian is not a no from 
the ward ! 

Seton discovers he has forgotten glove ; re- 
turns to table for it. 

PlNCKNEY 

Now, Mr. Seton, sir ! Time-tables wait for no 
man! 

Fanny 

Speaking outside. 

Take Gypsy's saddle off, John! Mr. Seton — 
Entering by the window, left. 
Where's Mr. Seton ! Oh, guardian — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 21 

PlNCKNEY 

Rapturously. 

Fanny ! Would I were thy guardian ! 

Goes out, gazing at Fanny. 

Fanny 
Oh, I was afraid I shouldn't catch you ! 

Running to Seton. 

Seton 

My dear Fanny, I'm afraid I shall not catch 
my train ! 

Fanny 

Clinging to Seton. 

Just one word, guardian! 

Whispers. 

Don't frown when I tell you — I have written to 
the office for some money! I have a pressing- 
need of money! 

Seton 

Indulgently. 

Extravagant little girl! For bonnets, I sup- 
pose ! 

Fanny 

Bonnets, indeed! For something whose fash- 
ion never will grow old ! 



22 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Seton 
God bless my soul ! Bonbons, no doubt ! 

Fanny 
Oh, no ! Something infinitely more sweet ! 

Seton 

Well, well, I haven't been near the office for a 
month — gout and external legal complications, 

but- 
Disengaging himself. 

my partner, Mr. Catesby, will have attended to it ! 
Pinckney 

Appears at the door, bringing Seton's hat and 
coat. 

Come, Mr. Seton! Trains don't allow for the 
law's delay! 

Fanny 

Detaining Seton. 

Then you don't mind? Then I may have all 
the money I want ? 

Seton 

Certainly ! I don't suppose you want much ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 23 

Fanny 

Aside, laughs. 
Not much ? Only a small fortune ! 

She meets Merivale in front of table and greets 
him. 

Dean 

Shaking hands with Mr. Seton. 

Good-bye, Mr. Seton. I trust your sojourn on 
the continent will restore your health. 

Seton 

Thank you, Dean. I trust it may also clear the 
reputation of an honest man. 

Fanny runs to overtake him, calling, "Guar- 
dian — one word." 

Exeunt all; Fanny teasing; Seton expostulat- 
ing, others saying "Good-bye." All but Meri- 
vale follow Seton to the door. Chorus of 
"Good-bye, bon voyage," etc. 

Merivale 

Alone. 

Is there no getting rid of the fellow? Con- 
found him! She'd have cared for me in time if 
he hadn't come by with his brogue and his uni- 
form. Even his debts are encircled with a halo 
of romance. Debts ! I've as many debts as Lit- 



24 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

ton if people did but know it. But I incurred my 
debts on my own account, like a man, instead of 
saddling myself with other people's, like a don- 
key. 

Goes into conservatory as Polly enters, wav- 
ing her hand and calling good-bye to Mr. 
Seton. 

Fanny follows Polly. Merivale stands within 
conservatory, unseen by them. 

Fanny 

Noticing letter-bag. 
Anything for me to-day, Polly ? 

Polly 
Yes, indeed. 

Picks up Litton's letter and reads. 

"Captain Lettarblair Litton." 

Fanny 
What do you mean, Polly ? 

Polly 

Dropping letter on table and leaning over 
Fanny. 

Isn't he for you — to-day and always ? 

Fanny 

Oh, Polly! What makes you think I care for 
him? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 25 

Polly 

Coming to Fanny's side. 

Why, your cheeks mount colours as red as his 
uniform at the very mention of his name. See 
there, now! 

Kneels by Fanny. 

Fanny 



Kisses Polly. 
Chaffingly. 



Oh, Polly, I do !— 

Polly 
Then, dear, what is the obstacle ? 

Fanny 

Why do people say such things of him ? Why 
did my grandfather leave me such a lot of 
money ? 

A little pause. 
Francis Merivale tells me that Lettarblair plays. 

Polly 
That's nice — since you sing! 

Fanny 

Plays cards, I mean. Is extravagant, and has 
a heap of horrid debts. There was a queer-look- 



26 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

ing man asking for Lettarblair this morning. 
Francis Merivale said it was a bailiff. 

Polly 

Francis Merivale ought to know the look of 
one. Well, you're so rich, why don't you pay 
Lettarblair's debts for him? 

Fanny 

Polly — I'll tell you a secret. Promise you'll 
never tell. 

Polly 

Never ! S'help me ! 

Crosses her heart. Merivale, in conservatory, 
holds curtain aside and listens unseen. 

Fanny 

I'm going to give Lettarblair some of my 
money. 

Polly 

With yourself? 

Fanny 
No, first! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 27 

Polly 
Oh, but he would never take it from you. 

Fanny 

He won't know it comes from me. I told my 
bankers at Southampton to send Lettarblair an 
order on his bank — the Bank of Burmah in Lon- 
don — saying it was part payment of an old debt 
to his estate, and that the remainder would short- 
ly follow. 

Polly 

Oh! would Mr. Seton let you spend your 
money that way? 

Fanny 

I'm afraid he wouldn't, if he knew. But Mr. 
Seton has been away from his office, ill, so I 
wrote to his partner for the money. There is an 
old debt to my grandfather's property, the Craw- 
ford estate. The people are paying it off year by 
year. Well — I wrote to Mr. Catesby to make 
them pay it all at once. He got half the money 
from them, ten thousand pounds. I told him to 
press them — squeeze them for the rest. I must 
have it. I want it all — for Lettarblair ! 



28 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Polly 

Counting her fingers. 

Ten thousand pounds plus ten more thousand 
pounds ! Do you love Lettarblair twenty — thou- 
sand — pounds' worth ? 

Opening eyes in amazement. 

Fanny 

Oh, Polly ! The sum of it can not be told ! 

Polly 

It is be-eautiful! Just like "Once upon a 

time!" 

Fanny 

Looking at Litton's letter. 

"Bank of Burmah." Polly- 
Rising, delighted. 

I do believe — it is — it is ! This is the letter that 
gives fortune to him, and him to me ! 

Kisses letter. 
He must find it here when he comes in ! 

At back of table; replaces letter in bag. 

He will find he is suddenly rich — then if he comes 
to me — I shall know it is from love and not ne- 
cessity ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 29 

Litton 

Outside, sings with Irish accent. 

"Gin a body kiss a body, need a body cry !" 

Polly 

"Gin a body — " Oh, Fanny, did Lettarblair 
do that? 

Fanny 

Indignantly. 
As if I would let him ! 

Polly 
As if he would wait for permission ! 

Fanny 
As if he would dare ! 

Polly 

As if he wouldn't! As if you wouldn't like 
him the better for his daring ! 

Fanny 
Polly, you horrid girl ! 

Polly and Fanny run into the conservatory. 



30 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Merivale 

Advancing, keeping the piano between himself 
and them. Aside. 

Aha! Then Fanny is Lettarblair's mysterious 
creditor, and she is squeezing him for money to 
pay his own indebtedness! 

Laughs. 

That's why old Seton favours his suit ! Book- 
keeping made eas} 7 ! Balancing debit and credit 
side of the account by marrying them ! 

Takes Litton's letter from table. 

Ten thousand pounds! It's an age since I've 
handled such a sum ! 

Weighs letter in hand, then holds it up to light. 

There's something about money — the mere con- 
tact with it engenders a feeling of prosperity ! 
Why the mischief did I pose as a man of means ! 
But who'd have thought a girl would take it into 
her head to fall in love with poverty ! And the 
deuce of it is — even now if I persuade her to 
marry me and Litton gets this money — 

Starts guiltily on hearing Fanny's voice, drops 
letter. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 31 

Fanny 

Ah, Polly, they don't know him as I do! 
While we were riding he spoke to me — 



Litton 

Outside, sings. 

"Gin a body meet a body, comin' thro' the rye, 
Gin a body kiss a body, need a body cry ! 
Every lassie hae her laddie — " 

During this Merivale debates with himself in 
pantomime whether he shall steal Litton's 
letter, finally succumbing to the temptation 
and pocketing it as he goes out. 

Litton 

Outside. 

"Yet all the lads they smile at me, 
When comin' thro' the rye !" 

Fanny 

Slowly approaching. 

I will not bind myself to him till I have proved 
him to them all ! 

Pinckney 

Who has peeped in at Fann}', now runs down 
to her and kneels before her. 

Fanny — I — I love you ! I've been copying 



32 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

those beastly sermons all day to get a chance to 
tell you! 

Fanny 

Moves away. 

Oh, Mr. Pinckney, are you proposing to me 
again ! 

Pinckney 

Following her on his knees. 

I was trying to — but — it seems a movable 
feast ! 

Fanny 

Walks on. 

Ah, don't ! You know I have but one answer 
to give you ! 

Polly 

Who has been peeping in from conservatory, 
amused. 

Persevere, Percival ! If at first you don't suc- 
ceed, try, try, again ! 

Pinckney 

On his knees. 

Fanny — I love you ! 



■Hi 



■■■■i 



r 



"■# 



jfc ' 



Act I 




" Well, don't mind me!" Page 33 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 33 

Fanny 

Having been talking to herself about Lettar- 
blair, returns, almost falling over Pinckney. 

Oh, Mr. Pinckney, are you still proposing to 
me? 

Moves away, Pinckney still following on his 
knees. Enter Litton. 



Litton 
Ah! At your devotions, Pinckney, darlin' ? 
Well, don't mind me ! 

Puts hat, etc., on card-table. 

Pinckney 

Rising angrily. 

I don't mind you, sir! 

Fanny goes up, laughing, and joins Polly. 

Litton 
Then don't be making angry faces, Pinckney, 

dear! 

Pinckney 

Captain, I should like to propose to you — 

Advancing angrily on Litton. 

Litton 
Ah, Pinckney, darlin', it's breath wasted and 
thrown away to propose to me ! 

Polly runs to Pinckney, restraining him. 



34 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

PlNCKNEY 

Sir, you are not the only soldier in the world ! 

Waving his commission. 

Litton 

Faith, if I were, 'tis the Colonel I'd be, not the 
Captain ! 

Polly 

Drags Pinckney to the door. 

Never mind, Percy ! You proposed very nice- 
ly — only it was to the wrong girl ! 

Pinckney goes out majestically, followed by 
Polly, mocking him. 

Litton 
"Gin a body kiss a body need a body — " 

Goes to Fanny, who is standing by the sofa, 
and tries to put his arm about her waist. 

Fanny 
Don't ! You are taking a liberty ! 

Freeing herself. 

Litton 
Fanny, I'm your captive — and liberty's the 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 35 

sweetest thing a captive can take! Fanny, what 
would you have? 

Fanny 

Sighs. 
I don't know ! 

Litton 

Again tries to put an arm about her. 

Try me! 

Fanny 
Don't ! 

Litton 

Sure a soldier must win his way by force of 
arms, Fanny! 

Fanny 

Goes to table. 
What do you take me for? 

Litton 
For better or worse, if I can get ye ! 

Throws glove on table. 

Fanny 

Gaining time. 

Why do you talk to me this way ? 

Soft music is heard : "Believe me, if all those 
endearing young charms." The twilight 
wanes. 



36 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Taking both Fanny's hands. 

Fanny, how else should I talk to you — though 
it's content I'd be to sit and look at ye! Fanny, 
I love you ! I love you without rhyme, because 
I'm not a poet ; and I love you without reason, 
since it passes calculation ! Fanny, I love you 
every way and always — and it's your heart I'm 
trying to read ; but I can't get beyond the spell 
of your eyes ! 

Fanny 

Leans against table, laughing and playing with 
her riding-crop. Turns her face from, him. 

You say these things so aptly — as if you had 
said them before ! 

Lttton 

Impressively. 
Fanny, I have ! 

Fanny 

Petulantly turning on him. 

Then how dare you say them to me ! 

Litton 
Fanny, it is to you, and to you alone, I have 




I can't get beyond the spell of your eyes ! " Page j6 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 37 

said them ! — Come, don't trifle with me ! — If it's 
yes, 'tis yes; and I'm the happiest man in the 
world and the luckiest ! 

He lays a hand on hers. She puts it from her 
and moves away. 

And if it's no, 'tis no— and off I go to India ! 
Fanny 

Turns to him, pleading. 

Ah, no ! Not that ! 

Litton 

Taking her hand. 
Then give me an answer, dear heart ! 

Fanny 

With deep feeling. 
How can I be sure that you love me as you 



say! 



Litton 

With confidence. 



Marry me, sure ! 'Tis the only way to find out ! 



Fanny 

She attempts to turn away from him. He pre- 
vents her, holding her left hand and fond- 
ling it. 

Wait till to-morrow ! 



38 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Ah, Fanny, yesterday you said, "To-day," and 
to-day you say "To-morrow !" And the nearest 
to-morrow is a year away when a man cares for 
a woman as I care for you ! Do you want me to 
beat about the bush for twenty years, like Uncle. 
Ambrose, till the roses have withered and youth 
gone by ? — Give me at least some hope ! 

Fanny 

Deeply touched, yet withdrawing her hand. 

Have faith instead! 

Litton 

With spirit. 

* 

Faith ! The evidence of things not seen ? Faith, 
not I ! If I have to feed my starved heart on a 
cardinal virtue I'll take charity — for that means 
love ! 

Fanny 

Aside. 
Oh, where's my courage! 

Turns and speaks to Litton. 

Wait! 

She leans on mantel, tapping lightly with 
crop, hardly trusting herself to speak. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 39 

Litton 

Wait, wait! — How can I go about with a 
weight on my heart ! — Fanny — 

Fanny 

Goes to table, picks up letter-bag and feels in it. 

Did you know ? There is a letter for you. 
Litton 

Feels for her hand inside letter-bag. 

Fanny, 'tis a lady I'm addressing, not a letter! 
- — Fanny, how much longer am I to wait? And 
what is it we're waiting for? 

Fanny 

Smiles mysteriously. 

Some time to-day! 

Litton 

Impatiently. 

It's some time to-day this very minute ! It has 
been some time to-day ever since last night. 
Fanny, my regiment is under marching orders ; in 
a week we're off to India. I want to know my 
fate now that I may have a whole week to realise 
my happiness; to feel that a jewel of a heart is 



40 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

beating for me when I am far away; that sweet 
eyes are watching for my letters; and a sweet- 
heart awaiting my return ! 

Fanny 

But you might have a change of heart, you 
know ! 

Litton 

Sure a change of heart is just what I'm after ! 
I've given you mine, and I want yours in return ! 

Fanny gets handful of letters from bag, looks 
them over — throws them on table — turns 
away — leans on arm-chair; says nothing, but 
seems to be distressed. 

Fanny, dearest, something distresses ye! What 
is it? Surely you don't doubt my love for you? 
As the old song says : 

"If she loves me, this believe, 
I will die ere she should grieve." 
Only I'd rather live with ye than die for ye ! 
Fanny, is it a burden? Let me bear it for you. 
Is it a sorrow ? Let me share it with you. Come, 
sweetheart ! 

He draws her to him and is about to kiss her, 
when she breaks away. 





* 



'Tis a lady I'm addressing, not a letter ! " Page jq 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 41 

Fanny 

Aside. 
I will not yield! 

Litton 

Ah, Fanny, Fanny, what is the shadow that 
has come between us ? 

Merivale is seen crossing in the rear. 

Fanny 

Indicates Merivale as she sees him approach- 
ing. 

Francis Merivale! 

Litton 
I'll tell him he's come to> the wrong house. 

Fanny 

Aside, detaining him. 
No — no — tell him I'm engaged for a minute. 

Litton 

Turns, seizing her hand. 

I'll tell him you're engaged for all time to me. 

Kisses her hand. 



42 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Fanny 



No! No! 



Enter Merivale at arch, as if about to take his 
cane from piano. 



Merivale 
Ah, good evening-, Litton. 



Aside. 



Confound the fellow ! Here as usual. 

Litton 
Good morrow to ye, Merivale. 

Divvle take him. 



Aside. 



Fanny 

With difficulty concealing emotion. 

I'm just going to the stable to give Gypsy 

some sugar. 

Exit, agitated. 

Merivale 
I hope you're not put out by my arrival. 

Litton 
Your arrival? Whose rival are ye, Merivale? 

Appears to be going. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 43 

Merivale 
Going? 

Litton 

Changing mind about going. 

Yes — to stay ! 

Goes to sofa — sits. 

Merivale 

Sorry to have disturbed your tete-a-tete, but 
Miss Hadden sent for me on business, so, of 
course, I fly to her feet. 

Litton 

Fly to her feet. Gone into the shoe business, 
have you, Merivale? You'll make a capital cob- 
bler. 

Merivale 

As usual, you entertain yourself at my expense, 
Litton. 

Litton 

'Tis all I get at your expense, Merivale. 
Merivale 

Rises and bows with elaborate irony. 
I have not your advantages, Captain Litton. 



44 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Imitating Merivale. 

You're a beautiful creature, Mr. Merivale. 



Merivale 

Sits again. 
I know I'm slow. 



Litton 

Sits again. 
Ah, don't abuse yourself behind your back. 



Merivale 

But a hare and a tortoise once ran a race, my 
dear Litton. 

Litton 

It's the affectionate creature ye are, my dear 
Merivale ! 

Merivale 

Getting excited. 

At the end of the race, my dear Litton, your 
hare — 

Slaps table. 
Where was your hare ? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLA1R 45 

Litton 

Slapping table. 

On a head, Merivale, dear, where my hair 
grows. Did ye want a lock of it ? 

Merivale 

Leaning on the table, hand under chin. 
Litton, you don't like me ! 

Litton 

Imitating Merivale. 

Merivale, you're a mind-reader ! 
Merivale 

Folds arms on table. 
Well, Litton, do you like me ? 

Litton 

Imitating Merivale. 

Merivale — I do not. 

Merivale 
Why? 

Litton 

Oh, I don't know ! You're too big*. 

Merivale 
Oh! 



46 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
You take up too much room. 

Merivale 
Ah! 

Litton 

And — Merivale, I don't like your clothes. 

Merivale 
Perhaps you object to my visits here? 

Litton 

Well, Merivale, dear, they're like your man- 
ners ; there's a lack of finish about them. 

Merivale 
Anything more ? 

Litton 

I'll write to ye about it. But you're always in 
the way, Merivale ! 

Merivale 
Ah, we are rivals ! 



o 
c^ 

a> 
g. 

5' 

-I 

n> 

a- 




CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 47 

Litton 
Ah, you're full of fun, ain't you? 

Merivale 
But I am first in the field. 

Litton 
Merivale, that's the proper place for a farmer. 

Merivale 
You're no farmer, so it's not the place for you. 

Litton 

Merivale, you wealthy darlin' ; if I had your 
money I'd go abroad in a minute for the good of 
my country. 

Merivale 

Aside. 
Ah, it is the money, is it ? 

Aloud. 
Fanny will never marry a miserable beggar. 

Litton 
Ah, now, don't despair, Merivale ! I don't ! 



4 8 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Merivale 

Slaps breast. 

At any rate no interested motives enter into 
my breast, my clear Litton ! 

Litton 

Sings derisively. 

"Ah, there's not in this wide world a Merivale 
so sweet, 
As the Merivale in whose bosom such sinti- 
ments meet !" 

It grows gradually darker. Fanny and Polly 
enter through conservatory, bringing roses. 

Fanny 

To Polly. 

Oh, he has not read his letter. We must give 
him a chance to read his letter ! 

Addressing Merivale. 

Francis, we are going to fill the vases. Won't 
you come and help us ? 

Merivale 

With triumphant look at Litton. 
With pleasure! 

As Fanny turns she drops a rose. Both lovers 
strive to get it. Merivale, succeeding, laughs 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 49 

mockingly, swinging the blossom in front of 
Litton as he follows Fanny. 

I'm afraid you're left out, Litton! 
Litton 

Quietly, capturing the rose. 

God bless you, Men vale! 

Merivale makes an angry gesture, as if to strike 
him. 

Fanny 
We will leave you to your letters ! 

Litton 

Striving not to appear neglected. 
At any rate I have your rose ! 

Fanny 
And my rose has thorns ! 

Litton 

Then shall I know it is Fanny masquerading 
as a flower! 

Fanny and Merivale go out. Litton crosses 
rather disconsolately to the large arm-chair 
by the fire. Polly, who has been an amused 
spectator in the background, goes toward 
door. 



50 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Polly 

Softly to Litton. 

Never mind, dear Lettarblair! She loves you! 

— She loves you ! 

Goes out. 

Litton 

Sits gloomily by fire. 
All — she loves me not ! 

The Dean enters, humming a tune. He looks 
about, and, seeing no one, speaks to himself, 
meanwhile taking off hat, scarf and overcoat, 
placing these on back of arm-chair so that 
they fall over Litton. 

Dean 

Most exciting! — If the young person in the 
College Library had not had to hunt up Fox's 
Martyrs for me — ! Happening on the fiction shelf 
to notice a copy of the offending work — 

Takes novel from pocket, looks at it dubiously. 

I casually — er — quite casually — It looks innocu- 
ous ! And yet — by rights it should be cast into 
the fire — and yet — I have a mind to — I trust I 
shall be undisturbed. Everybody, I trust, is occu- 
pied ! 

Looks about ; goes up, gets screen and places 
this about head of sofa. Goes toward door 
and draws curtain over it. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 51 

Fanny, no doubt, is out with Lettarblair or Meri- 
vale; Merivale or Lettarblair! 

Fetches palm from table and, stooping, sets 
this in front of sofa. As he rises, his head 
strikes the palm, and he exclaims, startled. 

Pinckney! — Ah, how stupid of me! Pinckney is 
buried in sermons! — Not that I shun observa- 
tion- — 

Strikes match, lights candle, and sets this on 
piano. 

Still, if found, I might be misunderstood, 
thought too advanced; a convert to views of life 
of which I prefer to remain in ignorance, or which 
I peruse only to abhor ! 

Opening book, with a long breath of comfort, 
lies on sofa so as to be screened from view. 
The room is dark except for the firelight. 

Litton 

Lifting hat and overcoat. 
His mantle has fallen on my shoulders, and all 
his imperfections on my head! Alas, poor Yor- 
ick! 

Smithers enters, looking about for some one. 
Litton sees him, and, agitated, gets behind 
the chair, putting on the Dean's hat, coat 
and scarf to disguise himself. Then, seiz- 
ing a book from the mantel-piece, he sinks 
down into the chair as if absorbed in reading, 
coughing. 



52 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

There's that infernal Smithers from Seton and 
Catesby's! The devil fly away with him! — I'll 
wager he's got a warrant for some ridiculous 
trifle — and I shan't have a penny till quarter-day ! 
— Ahem ! Ahem ! 

Smithers 

Turns and sees Litton. 

Eh ? The hold gent ! — Beg pardon, your Rev- 
erence, but I want to see Captain Litton ! 

Litton coughs and mumbles, affecting not to 
hear. Hyacinth enters, and, seeing Litton, 
mistakes him for the Dean. 

Hyacinth 

Rapturously. 

His sainted and never-to-be-mistaken head! 
Smithers 

Stepping down front. 
The hold gent's deaf! Ahem! Beg pardon, 
your Reverence, but is Captain Litton — 

Hyacinth 

Prodding Smithers in the back with her para- 
sol. 

Hush ! How dare you disturb the meditations 

of this holy man ! 

Pointing to Litton. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 53 

Smithers 
Beg pardon, Madam, but is Captain Litton — 

Hyacinth 

Prodding Smithers toward door. 
In the garden ! 

Smithers 

Going. 
Beg pardon, Madam, but I honly came to col- 
lect a bill ! 

Exit. Hyacinth takes a chair and places it 
near Litton. 

Litton 

Peeping over back of arm-chair ; aside. 

'Tis Hyacinth, the Dean's beloved ! 

He sinks back as Hyacinth turns, and again 
reads. 

Hyacinth 

Sitting and patting skirts into place, then fold- 
ing hands demurely. 

Forgive this worldly interruption to your pious 
meditations, Dean ; but I have taken this liberty — 
I have come because I desire to see you on a mat- 
ter of the greatest importance, Dean — and alone! 

The Dean is heard to snore slightly. 



54 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

He's asleep! By the Rock of Cashel I'll pro- 
pose to her for him, the blessed old dried lav- 
ender saint! 

Hyacinth 

I have that to say which is almost too delicate 
for words! 

Litton 

Aside. 
The darlin' old soul, she's like the perfume of 
faded rose-leaves ! 

Hyacinth 

I have come to tell you the story of a young 
girl's love! 

Litton 

Aside, interested. 

If she isn't going to do the wooing herself! 

Hyacinth 

Where for myself I should die silent, another's 
suffering has made me bold — and that other, our 
darling, Dean; your niece, Dean; my godchild, 
our Fanny! 



CAPTAIN LETT ARBL AIR 55 

Litton 

Exclaiming, amazed, then coughing again in 
imitation of the Dean. 

Fanny! Ahem! Ahem! Hem! 
Hyacinth 

With concern. 
Dear, dear, that cough of yours ! 

Litton 

Aside. 
'Tisn't mine! 

Hyacinth 

But about Fanny. As you know, Dean, I have 
watched her, loved her ever since on Sundays I 
taught her her little hymn. 

Litton 
Faith, I'm her little Him ! 

Hyacinth 

And now our rose-bud has blossomed, and 
many have discovered that she is fair, Dean. Our 
Fanny has many suitors. One — Merivale — is 
rich, a neighbour. All have hoped — you yourself 
have hoped that she would learn to care for him ! 



56 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
She needn't. The divvle will ! 

Hyacinth 
But man proposes — 



Aside. 



Sighing. 



Litton 

Aside. 

All, sometimes he's a long time about it, dar- 
lin'! 

Hyacinth 
And Fanny loves Lettarblair Litton ! 

Litton 

Amazed, overjoyed, tosses up his book. It falls 
upon the Dean, who is heard to waken with 
an exclamation. 

Glory, hallelujah! 

Hyacinth 

Surprised at the supposed Dean's excitement. 

I assure you, Dean! I had it from Polly! If 
only Fanny could be persuaded that the Cap- 
tain's love is disinterested — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 57 

Litton 
Faith, I'll do the persuading myself ! 

Rushes at Hyacinth and kisses her with a re- 
sounding smack. At the moment the Dean s 
face, wearing a horrified expression, appears 
above the screen. 

PlNCKNEY 

Running in, pen in hand. 

Oh, Dean ! How do you spell — 

Breaks off, with a surprised whistle, seeing 
Hyacinth in the supposed Dean's embrace. 

Dean 
Pinckney ! How dare you suppose — 

Breaks off and ducks behind screen. 

i 

Pinckney 

Not seeing Dean. 

By — Jove ! 

Exit, whistling. 

Hyacinth 

Detaching herself. 

Oh, Dean! Oh, dear, I really must be going! 
—Farewell, beloved!— He has declared himself 
at last ! 

Runs off, leaving her parasol. 



58 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Coughs, imitating the Dean, till she has gone, 
then bursts into laughter. 

She loves me, bless her wayward little heart! 
Fanny loves me ! Then why the devil didn't she 
say so ! Goodness knows I've asked her times 
enough ! Oh, but she has doubts of my charac- 
ter — thinks I love money, maybe! Just as if I'd 
ever been intimately enough acquainted with it 
to squander my affections on it ! But, bless her 

Sits, smiling beatifically. 

wayward little heart, all the same she loves me ! 
Girls are queer creatures, though ! I love Fanny; 

Rises and moves about. 

I go tell it to Fanny! Fanny loves me; and 
Fanny tells it to Polly ; Polly mentions it to Hya- 
cinth; Hyacinth communicates it to the Dean — 
The Dean again appears above the screen. 
And, next, I suppose, the Dean will confide it to — 
Breaks off, catching sight of the Dean. 

The devil ! — My dear sir ! How are ye ! Take a 
hat, won't you ? First-rate thing after a nap ! 

Tosses hat to Dean. 









And, next, the Dean will confide it to — The devil ! " Page 58 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 59 

Dean 

With great dignity, still standing on sofa, be- 
hind screen. 

Thank you, Lettarblair! I was about to 
trouble you for it ! 

Litton 

No trouble at all ! Take a coat ! 

Tosses the Dean his overcoat, then sits in high 
chair, laughing. 

Dean 

Enraged. 

Now, sir, perhaps you will explain your prepos- 
terous conduct ! 

He advances threateningly on Litton, who leaps 
up and protects himself with a chair. 

You have taken a base advantage of my innocent 
and intellectual slumbers to — 

Litton 

Seizing the hand with which the Dean is ges- 
ticulating. 

Uncle Ambrose! I want to put a question to 
ye ! Do you love your niece ? 



6o CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Dean 
I do ! Assuredly I do ! 

Litton 

Now, that's a remarkable coincidence — for so 

do I — and I know, dear Uncle Ambrose, that you 

love me! 

Dean 

Well, Lettarblair, I— 

Litton 

So to save ye the trouble of distributing your 
affections you shall make us one! 

Shakes the Dean's hand rapturously. 

Dean 
You mean — ? 

Litton 

Interrupting. 

I do ! You grasp it perfectly ! Then I have 

your permission to address her? Not that I've 

waited for it ! 

Dean 

Doubtfully. 

Ahem ! I must consider — I must communicate 
with Seton. I must — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 61 

Hyacinth 

Entering, looks about. 
My parasol — I left it — 

Dean 

Not seeing Hyacinth. 
To-night, at eight o'clock, in my library, Lit- 
ton, you shall satisfy me as to your circumstances, 
and your general — er — desirability to become 
my — 

Hyacinth 

My parasol ! — Oh, there — ! 

Looking about, finds parasol. Seeing Dean, 
runs to him, and, throwing arms about him, 
kisses him fondly. 

Beloved ! 

Runs coyly off. The Dean, dumfounded, sinks 
into chair, while Litton laughs at him. 

Dean 

Recovering breath. 

This is all your fault, Lettarblair ! Words can 

not describe — Words are inadequate — inadequate ! 

Litton 

Imitating a kiss. 

Aye ! Actions speak louder than words ! 



62 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Dean 

Enraged, rising. 

It is scandalous, sir ! Scandalous ! 

Waves the novel he holds, then suddenly be- 
comes conscious of it and tries to conceal it. 

Litton 

Seizing the novel. 

Scandalous it is! Oho! No wonder you're 
ashamed ! Get along with you, you rascal ! 

Pushes the Dean toward door. 

Dean 
Dear, dear! Misfortunes never come single! 

Litton 
'Tis because you're single they come! I con- 
gratulate you on your approaching marriage ! 

Dean 

Horrified. 

What, sir! You don't mean to imply that the 

contract you so audaciously entered into in my 

name is — 

Litton 

The lady sealed the contract ! 

Imitates a kiss. 

Oh, but you're done for entirely ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 63 

Dean 

And I — who am so opposed to change ! After 
an attachment of twenty years — 

Litton 

Another year and it would be of age — and then 

where are ye ! 

Dean 

Pathetically, wringing hands. 

I have been kissed ! 

Litton 

Pulling Dean toward door. 

'Tis the devilish Romeo ye are ! 

Dean 
I have been kissed ! 

Litton 

Throwing scarf about the Dean's shoulders. 

Don Juan was a duffer to ye ! 
Dean 

Hurrying, trying to conceal novel. 

I have been kissed ! Oh, Lettarblair ! tem- 
poral mores! I have been kissed — kissed — 



64 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
Cheer up, ye fallen angel ! 

Dean 
Kissed ! 

Exit. 

Litton 

I'll speak to Fanny to-night! One minute I'm 
led to think she loves me — the next she loves me 
not ! — But I will know to-night — 

Henry enters, bringing lamp, which he sets on 
table. He restores the screen to its place, 
then exit. 

— to-night, for I love her more than — 

JORKINS 

Enters with a letter, salutes. 

Are you here, Captain? 

Litton 
Use your eyes, you old duffer! 

JORKINS 

Aside. 

Calls me "hold duffer!" Lord love 'im! Just 
like 'is father! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 65 

Litton 
What are you wanting? 

Jorkins 

This letter, Captain ! — I was at the smith's with 
Kitty Tyrrell. She had a shoe loose, Captain. 
The smithy is by the station — and hearing a 
young man who'd come down from London say 
he didn't know where to find you to deliver this, I 
brought it myself ! 

Litton 
Well, hand it over, you old slow-coach ! 

Snatching letter. 
JORKINS 

Salutes. Admiringly, aside. 

Calls me "hold slow-coach," God bless 'im! 
Just like 'is father ! 

Litton 

Absently. 

Loves me — loves me not — 

Jorkins 
Quite so, sir ! Beg pardon, sir, but the young 



65 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

man said it was from the lawyer's, so I galloped 
all the way from the village — 

Litton 

Wrathfully. 

The devil you did, on my precious Kitty Tyr- 
rell ! Go walk her about till she cools off, then 
give her a bran mash with a glass of whisky in it, 
you old scoundrel ! 

Jorkins 
Yes, sir! 

Admiringly aside. 

"Hold scoundrel!" Just like 'is father! — I'll give 
the mare the mash, and take the whisky myself! 

Litton 

Has read letter. Overcome. 

My God ! What does this mean ? 



Jorkins 
Hany answer, sir? 

Litton 
Jorkins, I'm a beggar ! 



Salutes. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 67 

JORKINS 

Naturally, sir! 

Salutes. 

Hany other hanswer, sir ? 

Litton 

Answer? No! It's fate, I suppose— and fate 
is unanswerable! At any rate she's a woman, 
and always has the last word ! 

JORKINS 

Saluting. 

Did you say I was to say that, Captain ? 

Litton 

I am trying to make you understand, you old 
fool, that you can tell the young man I will go up 
to town at once, and settle the whole of the beg- 
garly business ! Pack up, and make short work 
of it! 

JORKINS 

Saluting. Goes toward door. 
Very well, sir. 

Litton 

Calls after him. 
Oh, and Jorkins, look well after Kitty Tyrrell ! 



68 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Yes, sir. Called me hold fool, 

Salutes and goes, laughing to himself indul- 
gently. 

God bless 'im ! Just like 'is father ! 
Litton 

Alone, refers to letter. 

"Our client, the Heir of Crawford, instructs us 
to press you for a full and immediate payment of 
your debt to the Crawford estate. We inclose 
statement of particulars, showing the amount of 
your indebtedness at ten thousand pounds — " 

Breaks off, repeating. 

Ten thousand pounds ! 

Continues. 

"Should you want to contest the claim — " 

Breaks off, crushing letter between hands. 

Ugh ! Who wants to contest their dirty claims ! 
Every acre of the land that I possess, every far- 
thing- of the money that I don't, is theirs, so that 
my father's honoured name be cleared ! Poor old 
Dad, it killed him! Well, I'm harder to kill, as 
every one who has done it has found out ! 

Looks at letter. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 69 

Confusion take the Heir of Crawford! I was 
paying it off as quickly as I could! We should 
have been quits in five years, or less ! 

Again looks at letter. 

"Your obliged and obedient servants." Faith, 
the obligation isn't on my side. Why don't they 
sign themselves "Your oblig-ed and obedient exe- 
cutioners" ? Words — words — words ! Let's see : 
who was it remarked that same ? — Hamlet, 

Moves about, sits on piano stool, leaning elbow 
on keys with discordant clash. 

or some other gentleman, like myself, reduced by 
family afflictions to philosophy! — Words? Hard 
lines, rather; for, being translated, it means Sell 
out ; Pay up ; Hand over — Everything ! In effect, 
Captain Litton, you aren't a bit better off than the 
street-sweeper to whom a few minutes ago you 
threw a light-hearted sixpence ! Mustn't give him 
any more sixpences ! How would it feel, I won- 
der, for him to throw me one ! 

Turns to piano, striking notes. 
Rising, takes coin from pocket, tossing and 
catching it, singing. 

"Here's to my sixpence; my jolly, jolly sixpence! 
Here's to the sixpence I love as my life ! 



70 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Here's a penny for to spend, and a penny for to 

lend, 
And fourpence to take home to my poor young- — " 

Breaks off with sudden remembrance, and 
sinks into chair. 

Good Lord ! — Fanny ! How can I meet her now, 
especially after what it seems they say of me! 
How can a fellow ask a girl to marry a beggar! 
And Fanny, of all girls ! My poor little Fanny ! 

Merivale enters and stands watching Litton as 
the latter sits with bowed head. 

I only hope she doesn't care for me — for I love 
her far too well to break her heart ! 



Merivale 

You look blue, Litton ! 

Litton 
Blood will tell, Merivale ! 



Sneering.' 



Raising his head. 



Merivale goes up to conservatory and stands, 
leaning on piano, watching. Fanny enters at 
window, followed by Hyacinth, who seats 
herself at piano and plays softly. Polly en- 
ters. They are all dressed for dinner. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 71 

Fanny 

Lingering near window, watching Litton. Hap- 
pily. 

He has read his letter. He has come into his 
kingdom ! 

Litton 

To himself, letter in hand. 

Contest the debt and compromise? Old Seton 
said it was perfectly feasible ! — Stop a bit ! What 
am I thinking of! I promised my father on his 
dying-bed! — On the one hand, faith to my dead 
father, and the honour of his name — and on the 
other, my means, my land, and my hope of win- 
ning Fanny — which to me means more than life ! 

With resolution. 
And honour turns the scale ! 

Fanny 

To herself, playing with a leaf of the palm. 

To-night, if he loves me really I shall know it ! 
—Ah, if—! 

Litton 

To himself. 
Ah, Fanny! If only I dared speak to you! 



72 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Tis well, perhaps, that you have feared to bind 
your life to mine! 

Fanny 

To herself. 
To-night I shall be the happiest woman in the 
world — ah, if — ! 

Buries her face in the roses she carries. 

Litton 

To himself. 

And yet — if she were a different kind of 
woman — if she would entrust her sweet life to 
my keeping — if she were poor as I, I could work 
for her with these two hands ; we could be happy 
— ah, Fanny — if — ! 

He turns, and, seeing Fanny, rises impulsively 
as if to go to her. She moves as if to hold 
out her arms to him. Then, suddenly con- 
scious of the letter in his hand, he turns away 
and sinks into the chair, his back toward her, 
trying to disguise his emotion. Fanny, be- 
wildered, seems ready to break down, but, 
catching sight of the look of triumph on 
Merjvale's face, restrains herself. Hyacinth's 
music rises to a crescendo. Litton covers his 
face with the hand that holds the letter, and 
the roses drop from Fanny's grasp. 

CURTAIN 
END OF ACT I 



ACT II 

The interior of Captain Lettarblair Litton's quarters in 
barracks at Southampton, one week later. The place is 
partly dismantled, showing evidences of confusion and pack- 
ing, and also the signs of recent festivities. A large supper- 
table stands in the middle of the floor, littered with the 
remains of a supper; bottles and glasses are standing about; 
a wine-cooler and a large silver tankard are on the floor. 
At the right is a window with cushioned window-seat ; be- 
yond this a door. At the back a curtained opening leads to 
an inner room. To the left is another door. Near the 
window stands a small table with a saddle on it. A red 
waistcoat lies on the mantel-piece ; a sword hangs on the 
wall. By the door on the left is a small desk littered with 
papers and boxes of cigars. On the floor to the right stand 
a portmanteau and tin uniform-case marked "Captain Let- 
tarblair Litton, First Battalion Irish Fusiliers." Fishing- 
rods, fur coat, pipes and miscellaneous articles add to the 
general disorder. A streak of sunlight, coming between the 
closed window-curtains, falls across the table, revealing 
Pinckney in mess uniform, seated with his back to the audi- 
ence, his head on the supper-table, in a heavy sleep. Jorkins 
is heard in the inner room singing, "The hour was sad ; I 
left the maid, A lingering farewell taking. Her sighs and 
tears my steps delayed ; I thought her heart was breaking ! 
In hurried words her name I blessed ..." Soon he en- 
ters, a pile of Litton's clothes over his arm and Litton's 
busby on his head ; pauses to look at Pinckney with a head- 
shake, then throws the clothes over a chair-back, blows out 
the candles that, though almost burnt down to their sockets, 
are still alight ; and draws the window curtains, letting in a 
flood of sunshine. 

Jorkins 

"In hurried words her name I blessed ; 
I breathed the words that bind me ; 
I to my heart in anguish pressed 
73 



^4 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Folds and packs clothes, taking whisky flask 
from pocket of one garment, holding it up to 
light and sighing on finding it empty. 

The Girl I left be'ind me !" 

Takes off busby, presses it to heart before pack- 
ing it. 

Smitiiers 

Entering cautiously by door on the left. 

Where is Cap — 

Jorkins 

Looking up from packing. 
Now, young man, who may yon be, pray? 

Smitiiers 

I'm Smithers, from the office of Seton and 
Catesby, come to collect a bill from Captain Lit- 
ton. Where is he ? 

Crossing to the right, stumbles over bottles, 
stubbing toes, and exclaiming. 

Ouch ! Where's Captain Litton ? 

Jorkins 

I'm not giving information to-clay, Mr. Smith- 
ers! 

Aside. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 75 

I'd like to punch 'is 'ead! Looks for all the 

world like a bit of red tape 'isself ! 

Enter Litton in smoking-jacket, pipe in mouth, 
papers in hand. 

Litton 

Aside, seeing Smithers. 
Hullo ! My friend Smithers ! 

Smithers 

Very loud, to Jorkins. 
Where is he, I say! 

Litton 
Mr. Smithers, you're a nuisance ! 

Smithers 

With importance. 

I'm the law ! 



Same thing! 



Litton 



Smithers 



Suddenly catching sight of Pinckney, rushes at 
him and shakes him. 

Ah! I've caught you at last! — What's the 
matter with him! Come, sir! Will you kindly 



76 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

wake up and pay me the ten thousand pounds you 
owe to the Crawford estate? You promised to 
pay to-day! It's eleven now, and we are in- 
formed that you purpose leaving England at 
noon! — Come on, no trifling! 



PlNCKNEY 

Sings drowsily. 

For a frozen corpse was he!" 



Litton 

Ha, ha, ha ! You'd better be careful, Mr. 
Smithers ! 

Smithers 

Frightened. 
Is he armed? 

Litton 
To the teeth ! 

JORKINS 

Indicating Smithers and restraining himself 
with difficulty. 

I'd like to punch 'is 'ead ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Shouts in his sleep. 

"Charge, Chester, charge!" 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 77 

Litton 

Sorting papers at desk. 

Hear him say charge ? He's dreaming of a 

lawyer ! 

Smithers 

To Litton, deferentially. 

What 'd you advise me to do, sir ? 

Litton 
I should advise you to get out, Mr. Smithers ! 

Smithers hesitates. 
PlNCKNEY 

Shouts savagely, clutching the air. 

"Now could I drink hot blood !" 

Smithers 

Hurrying toward door on the left. 

I'll call again, when he ain't so thirsty ! — 
You've no idea how hard it is to get money from 
this Captain Litton ! 

Litton 

Oh, yes, I have, Mr. Smithers! I've tried it 
myself — and I can't get a penny! 

Nods to Jorkins, who laughs. 



;3 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Smithers 
Is he a friend of yours, sir? 

Litton 
Sure, but he is — a friend in need! 

Smithers 
He's a precious blackguard ! 

Litton 

Infuriated. 

God knows I've abused him often enough my- 
self, but I'll not hear anybody else do it, Mr. 
Smithers ! 

Shaking fist at Smithers. 

Smithers 

Oh, I s^y! — I'll call again! 

Exit hurriedly. 

JORKINS 

Waving clothes-brush. 

I'd like to punch 'is 'ead ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Waking. 

"For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 79 

good fellow. He's a jolly good — " Hullo! — I 

thought I was in bed ! 

Rising, sits on edge of the table, with feet on 
arm of a chair. 

Litton 
Bed ! Bed for a soldier, indeed ! Ha, ha ! No, 
my boy! You've done the proper thing! You 
camped on the cold, cold supper with your mar- 
tial cloak around ye! When every one had said 
good night this morning I found ye fast asleep 
on the table, snoring a love-song to the game pie ! 
I hadn't the heart to wake ye, so out I went for 
a gallop over the downs and a plunge in the sea 
in your stead ! Look at me, you dissipated ruf- 
fian, you ! I'm fresh as a daisy ! 

Exit into inner room. 
PlNCKNEY 

A daisy, indeed ! 

JORKINS 

Lord love 'im ! A daisy ! Just like 'is father ! 

PlNCKNEY 

I don't believe I shall ever feel like a daisy 
again ! 

Tries to walk. 



80 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Jorkins, what's the matter ? Why are my legs so 
'fended with one mother, won't walk same side 
of way! 



Jorkins 
Supper, sir ! 

Pinckney 
Supper ? 

Jorkins 
Champagne, sir ! 

Pinckney 
Why supper ? Whose champagne 



Saluting. 



Puzzled. 



Saluting. 



Jorkins 

Captain Litton's farewell dinner at the mess 
last night, and supper 'ere, in our rooms on top 
of it! Champagne a-flowing like — champagne! 
Toasts proposed ! Glasses a-cl inking ! Cries of 
" 'Ear, 'ear !" Your recitations ! Oh, Lord, 
them recitations! — 'Ealths drunk to the valiant 
officer and gallant gentleman wot's leaving our 
midst ! — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 81 

Litton 

Appearing. 
Jorkins ! 

JORKINS 

Yes, Captain? 

Litton 
Shut up ! 

Throws a pair of top-boots that he carries to 
Jorkins, and exit. 

Jorkins 
Yes, Captain ! 

Catches the boots and packs them in tin box. 
Picks up the silver tankard, polishes it on his 
sleeve lovingly, while talking in a hoarse 
whisper to Pinckney. 

And this 'ere 'andsome piece of silver as a mo- 
mentum of the love of the officers of the regi- 
ment, God bless 'im ! — A bloomin' loving-cup ! 

Sets the tankard down on floor. 

Pinckney 

Ah, I remember now! He has left the regi- 
ment, and I have joined it ! 

Jorkins 
Aye, sir ! More's the pity ! 



82 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

PlNCKNEY 

Sharply. 

Eh! What's that? 

JORKINS 

Saluting. 

I mean, more's the pity he has left it, sir ! 

PlNCKNEY 

I embark for Bombay at noon — 

JORKINS 

It's past eleven now, sir! 

PlNCKNEY 

Leans head on arm, heavily. 
— and at noon he starts for Arizona ! 

Jorkins 

And I a-packing up his kit for the last time ! — 
Lordy, it's a sad day when the pride of the regi- 
ment 'as to sell out his uniform and take to cattle- 
raising ! 

Litton 

Entering. 

Jorkins ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 83 

JORKINS 

Salutes. 

Yes, Captain? 

Litton 
Shut up ! 

Jorkins 

Yes, Captain ! But I do feel like a orphan ! 

To Pinckney, in a hoarse, impressive whisper. 

— Sell 'is uniform and take to cattle-raising! 

Litton takes a waistcoat from the mantel, 
throws this to Jorkins, who catches it and 
packs it in tin box. 

All right, Captain ! Lots of room in your kit ! 

Litton 

Glad to know I have lots of anything in my 
kit, Jorkins! 

Jorkins 

Holding up the fur coat. 

Will you wear this, Captain — or shall I pack 
it? 

Litton 

No. As the currency of the realm has given 



84 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

out we'll throw what's left us to the sharks ! — 

Let's see, now. To whom do I owe the worth of 

a coat ? 

Refers to bills. 

PlNCKNEY 

A coat would seem naturally to revert to a 
tailor ! 

Litton 

Taps Pinckney on head. 

'Tisn't his figure, my boy, so it hardly would 
be fitting, d'ye see ! Here's a small sum owing to 
the daily paper. 

Hands a bill to Pinckney, who passes it on to 
Jorkins. 

Tell the fellow the coat will keep up his circula- 
tion ! 

Jorkins 

Taking fishing-rods from under saddle. 

This here fishing-gear, sir — ? 

Pinckney 
Spare the rod ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 85 

Litton 
Not at all ! Use it to tackle the shoemaker ! 

Checking off bills. Jorkins drags tin box into 
inner room. 

PlNCKNEY 

Takes a soda-water bottle and a corkscrew 
from table. Sits in window-seat. 

How about Johnson, the hatter ? 

Litton 

Oh, we've choked him off with the contents of 
the wine-cellar! 

PlNCKNEY 

Lucky dog! 

Litton 
Hm ! He seemed rather mad ! 

Jorkins 

Appearing with a statue of Venus. 
Haberdasher sent back the Venus, Captain! 
He was mad as the hatter! Said he wouldn't 
take her in payment because she was broke! 



86 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Well, now, haberdash it all, I sent her in pay- 
ment because I was broke ! 

Jorkins guffaws. 

He needn't have been annoyed with her, poor 
dear ! Seeing she's quite armless! 



Jorkins 

Lord forgive 'im ! 'Armless ! Just like his 
father! — I'll give her to the charwoman! 

Goes out with statue. 

Litton 

Consulting note-book. 

Now let's see where we stand ! — Amount due — 
ten thousand. In hand from mortgage on Glen- 
murra — my little bit of land Glenmurra — 



Jorkins 

Entering. Sadly. 

Glenmurra ! 

Litton 

Sale of stocks, bonds, personal effects — nine 
thousand eight — two hundred to be raised before 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 87 

noon ! — But where to raise it ! Jorkins, you beg- 
gar, where shall I get two hundred pounds ? 

Jorkins 

Hesitates, to make sure that Pinckney does not 
hear. 

Captain — I served your father before I served 

you — 

Again hesitates. 

— You've both of you called me "hold idiot" 
often enough! — But — 

Again makes sure that Pinckney does not hear. 

— I've always been sensible enough hold idiot to 
put by a little something for a rainy day! — Cap- 
tain — 

More hesitation. 

■ — I've got over three hundred pound ! 
Litton 

Removes pipe from mouth. 



Jorkins ! 
Yes, Captain? 
Shut up! 



Jorkins 
Litton 



Sternly. 



88 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Hurt. 
Yes, Captain! 

Litton 

Suddenly seizing Jorkins by back of neck. 

Do you think, you dear, sensible old idiot, that 
I'd borrow the umbrella you have put up with so 
much trouble, and leave you to get wet through 
in your old age ? Why, I — I — 

Shaking Jorkins gently to conceal emotion. 

Jorkins 
Captain ! 

Litton 
Well, Jorkins? 

Jorkins 
Excuse the liberty, Captain, but — shut up! 

Litton, moved, grasps Jorkins' hand and turns 
away. 



PlNCKNEY 

At window, opens bottle with loud report and 
fills a glass. 

Ah ! Litton, have you the time ? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 89 

Litton 

Exchanging a meaning glance with Jorkins. 
The time, is it ? 

PlNCKNEY 

About to drink, pauses. 
What, isn't your watch going? 

Litton 

Stooping, picks up plate and bottle from floor 
and sets them on table. 

Gone! 

PlNCKNEY 

Commiseratingly. 

Phew ! 

Drinks. 

Jorkins 

And his studs — and his pictures — and his — 
everything ! 

Throws topcoat over arm, lifts portmanteau 
from corner and sets it on the chair, flinging 
the coat over it so that Litton's name is con- 
cealed. 

'E's got nothing left now except me and the 
mare Kitty Tyrrell ! 



9 o CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Placing chair by the desk. 

Poor dear Kitty, I thought I might contrive to 
keep her — but 'twill be all I can do to keep myself 
going, without a horse ! Come, boys ! Lend a 
hand with this! 

Takes hold of supper-table to move it, Jorkins 
assisting. Pinckney runs to help. They talk 
while carrying table into inner room. 

JORKINS 

Sighing. 
Everything a-going — even the mare ! 

Litton 

Trying to conceal emotion. 

My beautiful — ! Ah, as the old song says, 
" 'Tis money will make the mare to go !" 

Pinckney 

Poor old chap ! Well, you ought to get a good 
price for her ! 

Litton 



I'd sooner get her a good master! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 91 

PlNCKNEY 

Macdowell wants lier badly 1 

Litton 

Macdowell can stay wanting her! He'd ride 
her to death inside a week, my precious Kitty! 
Besides, she'd never put up with his language ! 

Enter Smithers, left. 

Smithers 
I'll nab him this time, sure as — 

Litton 

Seeing Smithers, makes a rush at him and 
pushes him out. 



Ah, look at him now, will ye 



Smithers 
Sir, I come from the office of — 

Litton 
The devil ye do ! 



Struggling. 



Bangs door and holds it. 



Jorkins, come and help me keep out the insolence 
of office till I've raised two hundred pounds! If 



92 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

I set eyes on him again I shall kill him for a dead 
certainty ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Running to the door and leaning against it. 

And serve him jolly well right! 



Jorkins 

Doing the same. 



Blooming right ! 



Litton 
Two hundred — 

Running to door right. Seizes hat from saddle, 
in passing, and sticks it on back of head. 
Catching sight of Willoughby, pauses at win- 
dow. 

There's Lord Willoughby! I'll make him buy 
the mare ! — Willoughby ! — Now Blarney befriend 
me ! — Here, Willoughby ! 

Calls from window. Leaps into saddle. 



Willoughby 

Outside. 

Hullo, dear boy ! 

Litton 

Beckoning. 

Come over here! I want to whisper to ye! — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 93 

Lord, Willoughby, if it's the pace that kills you'll 
live to be immortal ! 

Smithers 

Outside, knocks, and forces door open. 
You open this door, or I'll — 

Litton 
Don't let him in ! 

Smithers 

Forcing door open. Pinckney and Jorkins 
thrust him out. 

Here ! You — 

Pinckney 

Leaning against door. 

Bolt the door! 

Jorkins 

Leans against door. 

There ain't no bolt, sir! 

Litton 

I say, Willoughby, don't you want to buy my 
Kitty Tyrrell? 



94 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Selling the mare ! He'll sell me next ! 

PlNCKNEY 

He'd have to give you away ! 

WlLLOUGHBY 

Hm ! "Why, do you want to sell her ? 



Outside. 



Litton 

Eh ! What ! Want to ! Is it I ?— I need the 
money ! How much will you give ? 

WlLLOUGHBY 

Don't think I want to buy a horse. 

Litton 

What, don't think you want to buy a horse? 
But I know you do ! Would ye ride to the wars 
on a donkey? 

Smithers 

Forces door open. 
I insist — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 95 

PlNCKNEY AND JORKINS 

Turning, close door, wedging Smithers' head 
in. 

Do you, now ! 

Smithers 

Half-strangled. 

Ow! 

Litton 

To Willoughby. 

Never mind him ! Only an impudent rascal of 
a lawyer's clerk ! 

Smithers 

In strangled tones. 



Captain Litton, I insist on seeing you 



Litton 
Well, haven't ye any eyes in your head ? 

PlNCKNEY 

Ha, ha, they'll pop out in a minute ! 
Smithers 

Thrusts left hand in. 
Are you Captain Litton ? 



96 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
Faith, I'm a speaking likeness of him! 

S MIT HERS 

I represent Seton and Catesby and I — 

Shouts as Jorkins strikes down his hand and 
kicks him out. 

Litton 

Eh, Willoughby? Send him about his busi- 
ness? I'm his business at the minute! — So I will, 
dear boy, as soon as you pay me for the mare! 
How much do you bid ? 

S MIT HERS 

I say — 

Pushes door open with such force that Pinck- 
ney and Jorkins are thrown forward on to 
the desk. He braces door open with hands 
and feet, leaning back against frame. 

I'd have you know, sir, that my time's worth 
money ! 

Litton 

Right you are ! So's mine. That's why I sold 
my watch! 





I represent Seton and Catesby, and I—" Page q6 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 97 

JORKINS AND PlNCKNEY 

Turning on Smithers, Jorkins striking down 
his hands. 

Out with him! 

They slam the door and hold it. 

Litton 

Well, Willoughby, name your price! What's 
that I hear ! One hundred and fifty — 

Jorkins 

Disgusted. 

One hundred and fifty for a mare like that! 
Why, her tail's worth the money ! 

Litton 

You're daft, my boy ! It's worth that to look 
at her ! I want you to have her, Willoughby, be- 
cause you'll treat her well ! I know you of old, 
Willoughby ! You'd take the bit from your own 
mouth to put it into your horse's ! 

Jorkins 

With feeling. 
That he would, bless him! 



9 8 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
Come, make it two hundred ! 



Jorkins 

In despair. 

Two hundred for a mare like that ! 



Litton 

Two gentlemen behind me are bidding at fast 

and furious rates ! 

Aside to Pinckney and Jorkins. 
— Bid, hang you ! 

Jorkins 

Rushing about, excited. 

Six 'undred — 

Litton 
Six hundred — 

Jorkins 

Lifts up a chair and sets it down with em- 
phasis. 

If I 'adit! 

Litton 
Six hundred — going at six hundred ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 99 

PlNCKNEY 

Running forward. 

A thousand ! 

Litton 
A thousand ! 

PlNCKNEY 

If I could beg, borrow, or steal it ! 

Litton 
A thousand I am bid ! Going at a thousand — 

As Pinckney leaves the door Smithers stum- 
bles in with a jerk. 



Smithers 

Angrily. 
Drat it ! 

Recovers balance and advances. 



Litton 

— At a thousand ! 

Sees Smithers. 

Ah, Mr. Smithers ! What do you bid ? 
Smithers 

Angrily shaking his cane. 
I bid you pay this money, sir ! 
• r C. 



ioo CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
Ha, ha ! Look at the repartee of him ! 

PlNCKNEY AND JORKINS 

Seize Smithers and run him. He blocks his 
own exit with cane ; accordingly they pull 
him back a few steps. 

Ha, ha ! 

Litton 

Three hundred to you, Willoughby, and 
Smithers thrown in ! 

JORKINS AND PlNCKNEY 

They throw Smithers out and slam door, then 
lean against it. 

And Smithers thrown out ! 

Litton 
Well, then, make it two-sixty! 

JORKINS 

Two-sixty for a mare like that ! 

Litton 

Come, now, you know you're getting her for a 
song! 



Outraged. 




Well, then, make it two-sixty ! " Page ioo 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 101 

JORKINS 

A song! Why she's worth a whole blooming 
hopera ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Aye ! Including the chorus ! 

WlLLOUGHBY 

Can't sing, dear boy ! 

Litton 

Well, now, Willoughby, you shall have her for 
two hundred and fifty if you'll refrain from re- 
fraining ! Two hundred and fifty pounds for the 
sweetest thing in the world, with her white stock- 
ings and her new shoes, — and a saddle that would 
cost you twenty guineas into the bargain ! 

Jumps off saddle and holds it up at window. 

JORKINS 

In despair. 

Now he's going to sell the saddle! 

Litton 

The loveliest saddle! Many's the time it has 
borne me on her back ! 



102 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Almost crying. 

She was born with that saddle! 

Litton 

Good-bye to your jibes, Kitty! Your flashes of 
merriment that were wont to set the stable in a 
roar ! Going at two hundred — 

Jorkins 
Two 'undred for a 'orse like that ! 

Litton 

Think of her! A coat like sealskin! Think of 
her sire — her dam ! 

PlNCKNEY AND JORKINS 

They lift their hands, as if this were the cli- 
max, and in so doing move slightly from the 
door. Smiithers opens it, at which they turn, 
as if on a pivot, and fall against it, with an 
exclamation of triumph. 

Litton 

At window, to Willoughby. 

She loves a soldier ! 

Again leaps into saddle. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 103 

JORKINS 

That she does, God bless her! 

Litton 
And adores a fight! 



Excited. 



JORKINS AND PlNCKNEY 

A fight, ha, ha ! 

Litton 

Seizes a pen and uses this as if it were a whip, 
grasping the table-cover like reins. 

She can run a mile in one-thirty ! 

Jorkins 
No, no! One-twenty! 

Litton 
Which is convenient if you get licked ! 

PlNCKNEY AND JORKINS 

Licked ! Never ! 

Litton 

She'll jump six feet in the air, if you're vic- 
torious ! 



104 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

PlNCKNEY AND JORKINS 

Jumping wildly into the air. 

Hurrah ! Victorious ! 

WlLLOUGHBY 

Outside. 

Sixteen hands, d'ye say? 

Litton 

What? Aye, sixteen hands and every one of 
them a dream and all her legs a poem ! 

Jorkins 
I shall cry in a minute ! 

Litton 
Come, say two hundred ! Going, going — 

Smithers 

Pushing door open. 

No, sir, I'm not going until — 

Jorkins and Pinckney slam the door, shutting 
him out. 

Litton 

Jumping off saddle and throwing it out of win- 
dow. 

Gone! — Kitty Tyrrell knocked down to Lord 




Kitty Tyrrell knocked down to Lord Wjlloughby " Page 104 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 105 

Willoughby at two hundred pounds! — The first 
time I ever knocked down a lady in all my life ! — 
All right, Willoughby, throw the notes up here ; 
I'll catch 'em ! — 

To Jorkins and Pinckney. 

— Let him in ! 

Pinckney and Jorkins 

They open the door wide suddenly, so that 
Smithers falls forward on the floor, his head 
in front of the tiger rug. Jorkins and Pinck- 
ney, in their endeavors to arrest him, them- 
selves fall on top of him. They rise im- 
mediately and assist Smithers, who is greatly 
frightened at seeing the tiger's head, and 
place him in chair. 

In with you! 

Litton 

Catching bundle of bank-notes at window. 

Thanks, old man ! 

Runs to Smithers and thrusts these into his 
right hand. 

There's the money you're so hungry for ! I wish 
you were the Heir of Crawford himself that it 
might choke you! Much good 'twill do ye, ye 
limb of the law ! It's blood money, that's what it 
is! And here's the rest of the ten thousand 
pounds ! 



106 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Goes to desk, fetches more bank-notes and 
thrusts them into Smithers' hands. 

— Ah, 'tis suffocated ye are ! Here, take a drink ! 

Takes bottle from cooler on floor and gives 
this to Smithers. 



Take a ci^ar ! 



Gets box of cigars from desk and thrusts 
this into his arms. 



JORKINS 

Getting a cigar from the box and thrusting it 
into Smithers' mouth. 

Yes, take a cigar ! 

Litton 

Picking up Smithers' hat and smashing it over 
his eyes. 

Take your hat ! 

Pinckney 

Giving the hat an extra smash. 

Yes, take your hat ! 

Litton 

Thrusting Smithers' cane under his arm. 

Take your cane — Take a pauper's blessing, and 
the devil take you ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 107 

Goes up to supper-table and gets a bottle of 
champagne. 

Now, Jorkins, you old orphan; Pinckney, my 
warrior — a toast ! A toast ! 

Pinckney and Jorkins 

Going up to table. 

A toast! A toast! 

Pinckney brings one glass, Jorkins two. 

Litton 

Knocking off head of bottle and pouring out 
wine. 

Here's to my having paid all I owe! And 
here's good faring to a beggar who, having sold 
even his horse, will have to follow mounted beg- 
gars afoot ! Hip, hip, hoorah ! 

Taking glass from Jorkins, drinks. Pours 
wme over Smithers, who, in trying to dodge 
it, stumbles over tiger's head. 

Jorkins 
Hoorah ! 

Pinckney 
Hoorah ! 

Pinckney and Jorkins 

-r> 1 > • « Sing. 

.For he s a jolly good fellow, 



108 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

For he's a jolly good fellow, 
For he's a jolly good fellow, 
And so say we all of us ! 

Litton 

And now I'll go change my coat! — Jorkins, get 
a receipt from him. 

Laughing, shakes fist at Smithers. Throws 
glass on supper-table in passing, and exit. 
Smithers also follows Litton, but is con- 
fronted by Pinckney as the latter turns, and, 
frightened, backs, bumps into Jorkins, who 
is removing the rugs. In terror he jumps 
aside and sits in chair, hugging bottle and 
box of cigars. 



Jorkins 

Dismally. 
For he's a jolly good fell — 

Suddenly catching sight of Smithers, hoists 
him by his collar and propels him toward 
door. 

'Ere! You come on and give us that bloomin' 
receipt ! 

In passing the cooler he unconsciously kicks it 
on Smithers' toes at every step, Smithers ex- 
claiming. 

We're off to India, bloomin' 'ot ! He's off to 
Harizona, bloomin' cold ! There ain't no bloom- 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 109 

in' comfort in this bloomin' world. 'Ere, come 
on and give us that receipt ! 

Kicks Smithers off, then the cooler, and exit, 
closing door. 

PlNCKNEY 

Wipes chair with napkin which he finds hang- 
ing over its back. Sits, stretching out legs 
and contemplating them admiringly. 

Ha, ha! I wonder if Polly will admire my 
uniform ! Strange that the adoration I used to 
feel for Fanny is unchanged — only its present ob- 
ject is called Polly! 

Knock at door. 

Come in ! 

Knock repeated. 
Come in, hang you ! 

Runs to door and throws it open with such vio- 
lence that the handle comes off in his hand. 



Pinckney 



Dean 

Outside, reproving. 



Pinckney 
Oh, Lord ! The Dean ! 

Drops handle by door and runs off into inner 
room, closing curtains behind him. Enter 
the Dean, Hyacinth, Polly and Merivale. 



no CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Hyacinth 
Here we are at last ! 

Polly 

Advancing, unconsciously pushing the handle 
a few feet from the door. 

So these are a soldier's quarters ! 
Jorkins 

Entering, gleefully rubbing hands. 

Ha, ha ! I 'ave punched 'is 'ead ! 

Nearly collides with Hyacinth. Salutes. 

Beg pardon, ma'am ! Your servant, your Rever- 
ence and Ladies! 

Eyes Merivale with suspicion. 

Dean 

Good morning, Jorkins! Where is Captain 
Litton ? 

Polly 

Where is Mr. Pinckney? 



Jorkins 

Sadly. 
Captain Litton ain't no more ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR in 

All 

Amazed. 

What? 

Hyacinth 
You mean — dead ! 

Sinks into chair. 
JORKINS 

No, no ! He ain't captain no more ! 
All 

Amazed. 

What! 

Merivale 

Lolling in window seat. 

Humph ! 

JORKINS 

Moving table away from window, and setting 
it against wall. 

I will announce you to the captain-as-was ! 

Hyacinth 
Not captain any more ! 

Merivale 
Perhaps he was obliged to send in his papers ! 



ii2 CAPTAIN LETT ARBL AIR 

Polly 

Has picked up the tankard and examined it. 

This sounds like it ! 

'To Captain Litton on his retirement from the 
Irish Fusiliers with the love of his brother offi- 
cers" — Look! 

Carries it to Hyacinth. 

Hyacinth 

Taking tankard, reads. 
"Gallant charge against Arabi Pasha, Abu 

Goum." What chivalry ! 

Passes tankard to Dean. 

Dean 

Reads. 

Dear me — "Crossed the Irrawaddy with des- 
patches, with bullets whizzing round him !" Just 

like him ! 

Jorkins 

Just like 'is father ! 

Exit, drawing curtains sharply behind him. 



Merivale 

Impressively. 

All the same, to my mind his leaving the army 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 113 

looks suspicious — and, mark 'my words, you 
won't get at the truth of the story ! 

Enter Litton. 

Litton 

Throws arms about Dean. 

Ah, Uncle Ambrose ! 

Dean 
My dear boy ! 

Hyacinth 

With extended hand. 
The hero of Rangoon ! 

Litton 

Kissing her hand. 

Dear lady — such as you make heroes of mere 

men ! 

Polly 

We've come to bid Percy and you God-speed ! 

Litton 
Polly, my angel ! 

Takes tankard from Dean and sets it on desk. 

Merivale 
I had a fancy to see the last of you, Litton ! 



ii4 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Kissing hand to him. 
God bless ye, Merivale ! 

Dean 

But, Lettarblair, what is this I hear! Why 
have you left the service ? 

Hyacinth 

Going to chair, sits. 
Yes, why? 

Merivale 

Sneering. 
Yes, why? 

Litton 

To Dean. 

Well, sir, the fact is, a sudden drain on my re- 
sources has left me an amiable pauper ! 

Dean and Hyacinth 
A pauper! 

Polly 

Aside. 

Oh ! With ten thousand pounds in his pocket ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 115 

Dean 

Ah, that explains the note you left for me the 
day you left Beechwood so — er — hurriedly ! 

Taking note from pocket, and reading from it. 

"Altered circumstances compel me to beg for a 
postponement of our interview — " 

Hyacinth 

Will you not tell us the cause of your altered 
circumstances ? 

Litton 

Well, no, please. I don't care to talk about it 
— save to assure you 'tis nothing I need blush 
for! 

Merivale 

Insultingly. 

Except, perhaps, with an inherited blush ! 
Litton 

Determined not to quarrel with him. 

I'll leave ye a blush in my will, Merivale, since 

nature neglected to provide for ye ! 

Aside. 



n6 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 



Confound him, can he have heard of my father's 
troubles ? 

Aloud, striving to speak jauntily. 
I'm off to Arizona this blessed hour! 



Aside, shocked. 



Amazed. 



Rather shocked. 



Polly 
With Fanny's money ! 

Litton 
I'm going on a cattle-ranch ! 

Dean 
Arizona ! Well, well ! 

Hyacinth 
A cattle ranch ! Dear, dear ! 

Litton 

•An old comrade of mine has made a pot of 
money there! I've got youth and strength — and 
the sweetest liver ye ever set eyes on in all your 
life! 

Hyacinth 

Quite shocked. 

Oh, Lettarblair! 

Polly goes over to Litton on his left, as if 
striving to solve the puzzle. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 117 

Merivale 

Rising ponderously. 

Hope you won't find you've mistaken your call- 
ing, Litton! 

Dean 

Mr. Merivale ! The captain's honourable rec- 
ord 

Points to tankard. 

bespeaks his success in his bucolic venture ! 

Merivale 

Oh, if everything is to be measured by a man's 

military experience — 

Shrugging shoulders. 

Litton 

Yet some men get on who are neither military 
nor civil, Merivale! 

Dean 
Gentlemen ! Lettarblair, I beg — 

Merivale 

Still, you must admit it is rather a come-down ! 
—Cattle! 



n8 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Hotly. 

God knows 'tis never a dumb beast yet from 

whom I've had the unkind word, Merivale, and — ■ 

Hyacinth gives a slight shriek. 

Dean 

Rising. 

Gentlemen ! Gentlemen ! Let us have peace ! 

Merivale 

Swaggers to door. 

I must be off ! I left Fanny with the Colonel's 
wife ! I promised to call for her ! 



Litton 

Airily. 

Hope you won't find you've mistaken your 
calling, Merivale! 

Merivale gives him a black look. Exit. 
Enter Pinckney, in full uniform, with great 
display, saluting on all sides. All exclaim. 



Pinckney 
How do you like my uniform ? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 119 

Polly 

Admiringly. 

Oh, Percy, it is beautiful — and so becoming ! 

Dean and Hyacinth murmur assent. 

PlNCKNEY 

I cut a better figure this way than copying ser- 
mons, eh, Dean? 

Dean 

Pinckney ! The pen, sir, we are told, is might- 
ier than — 

Pinckney 

Aye, but I'll lay you anything you please I 
shall make my mark better with the sword ! And 
I shall have a chance to try my hand at it ! The 
orderly officer of the day has just galloped into 
the square with a despatch from the general of 
the district, and — 

Noise heard outside. 

— there's quite an excitement ! 

Goes to window. 

Polly 

Runs to window. 
Oh, let's see! 

Sits in upper end of window-seat. 



120 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Hyacinth 

Going to window and stands, looking out. 

Dear, dear! 

Dean 

Following Hyacinth. 
What is it all about ? 

Litton 

Detaining Dean. 

Dear Uncle Ambrose — I shall be off to Liver- 
pool in a few minutes, and then — across the seas ! 
I asked you to postpone our interview concern- 
ing Fanny till I could rid myself of a debt! 
But nothing can change my love for her ! Believe 
that! Nothing! I am going to try to earn at 
least a decent living in the hope that some day I 
may persuade her to share it with me! 

Dean 

Well, well, Lettarblair, there is no hurry! 
Why not make it a matter of mutual contempla- 
tion for a period — say for ten years ! 

Litton 

Overcome. 
Ten years — Fanny! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 121 

Dean 

There is Scriptural authority! Jacob served 
twice seven years for his Rachel! 

Litton 

Sure, then, Jacob was no Irishman, or he'd 
have taken his Rachel at the other end of the 
bargain ! 

Dean 

Well, well! I suppose young people will be 
young people! 

Indulgently. 

Litton 
Ah, Uncle Ambrose — but only while they're 
young ! 

Hyacinth 

Ambrose ! We're going out to see what it all 

means ! 

Moving toward door. 

Dean 

Taking hat from top of portmanteau where he 
placed it on entering, he gives Hyacinth his 
arm, and leads her out. 

Allow me to attend you ! 



122 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Polly 



Running to Litton. 
In undertone. 



Lettarblair — Don't fail to see Fanny! — You 
owe her an explanation! She's very angry with 



you! 



Runs to Pinckney who is waiting for her at 
door, takes his arm. They go out. 



Litton 

To himself. 

Angry — Fanny — with me! Perhaps that's a 

sign of affection — but I'd a handful sooner have 

the thing signified! 

Sees Willoughby from window. 

Hullo, Willoughby! Have you seen Kitty Tyr- 
rell? 

Willoughby 

Outside. 
Yes; she's a fine mare, my boy! 

Enter Smithers in a battered condition. 

Smithers 
Captain Litton — 

Litton 

At window. 
Isn't she a beauty! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 123 

S MIT HERS 

Captain Litton — 

Litton 

'Twas thanks to her I got out of my last en- 
gagement at Khartoum with half a whole skin ! 

Smithers 
Captain Litton, sir, I — 

Litton 
She's worth a fortune ! A fortune ! 

Smithers 

A fortune, eh? — Captain Litton, your servant 
has violently assaulted my person ! He has 
struck, pinched, kicked and otherwise injured 
my tenderest — 

Reaching out to grasp hold of Litton. 

Litton 

To Willoughby. 
Eh ? — I'll come down to you ! 

Leaps out of window. 



124 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

S MIT HERS 

Baffled. 
Why — where is he ! — 

Looks out of window. 

Oh, there — ! Captain Litton, I require compen- 
sation! I — 

Litton 

Outside. 
Oh, go to the devil ! 

Smithers 

Very well, sir! I will wait here till you return, 
like patience on a window-sill ! 

Sits on sill, hidden by curtains. 
Enter Merivale and Fanny. 

Fanny 

Breathlessly. 

Quick, quick ! I saw Captain Litton out there ! 
I wish to avoid him ! — Why — you said — 

Looks about surprised. 

Where are they all? 

Merivale 

They must have just stepped outside! They'll 
be back directly ! Better wait ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 125 

Fanny 

Hesitatingly. 

You are sure — these are Pinckney's rooms? 

Merivale 

Of course! Come, Fanny! You never give 
me a chance to talk to you alone ! 

Fanny 

You know I — 

Moves toward door. 

Merivale 

Oh, if you want to put yourself in the way of 
meeting Litton ! — 

Fanny 
No, no ! — I — No, no ! 

Deciding to remain. 
Anything but that ! — 

To herself. 

Surely he gave some reason for wanting to go to 
Arizona ! 

Merivale 

Shrugging shoulders. 

When a fellow is up to the ears in debt — 



126 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Fanny 

Impossible! I know — I am sure that he has 
the wherewithal to pay his debts ! 

Merivale 

My dear child, it does not therefore follow that 

he pays them ! Can nothing- convince a woman's 

reason ? 

Fanny 

To herself. 
Nothing, when her heart tells another story! 

S MIT HERS 

Peeping out. 

He has struck, pinched, kicked, and otherwise 
injured my tenderest — 

Merivale 
Hullo ! Who are you ? 

Smithers 

I beg pardon, sir! I'm waiting for Captain 
Litton! Is he a friend of yours? 

Merivale 
No, indeed, the fellow is no friend of mine ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 127 

Smithers 

You may congratulate yourself, sir! I have 
never had to collect a debt from a more rascally 
scapegrace ! 

Merivale 

Pleased, watching the effect on Fanny. 

Come, come, that's a strong statement! 

Fanny 

Captain Litton is an honourable man ! I am 
sure that he will — 

Smithers 

An honourable man! Look at the money he 
squanders at my client's expense! 

Opens curtains, disclosing supper-table. 

Honourable ! When I myself heard him boasting 
of his engagement to a lady of large fortune ! 

Fanny involuntarily exclaims. 

Ah, you know the Captain ! 

Fanny 

No ! I — I have never known him ! 



I2& CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Smithers 

Well, I haven't finished with him yet! — I'll 

call again ! 

At door turns back and stares at Merivale, 
who returns the stare. Aside. 

Now where have I seen him before! — Ha, I re- 
member — in the Bank of Burrnah ! — 

Exit, muttering. 
He has struck, pinched, kicked, and otherwise in- 
jured my tenderest — 

Merivale 

Going to Fanny. 

Fanny, why do you trouble yourself about a 

fellow like Litton! Why not give me the right 

to protect you ! 

Fanny 

I shall never marry any one ! 

Rises. 

Merivale 
Because you love him ! 

Fanny 

I will tell you what I have never told him — 
that I have loved him better than my life ! 

Goes to window. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 129 

Merivale 

Following her, eagerly. 

But now — knowing him for what he is ? 

Fanny 
I love the man I thought him to be ! 

Merivale 
Then if he again asks you to marry him — ? 

Fanny 
He would never dare! 

Merivale 

He? Of course he will! You know I advised 
you not to come to-day! 

Fanny 

Facing on him. 

What do you mean ! 

Merivale 

The Dean — every one expecting it — it is forced 
upon him ! 



1 3 o CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 
Fanny 

Oh!— I'll go home!— I'll tell them I feel ill! 

Merivale 

I'll take you myself! — Wait here while I get 
the carriage — I'll only be a minute — 

Hurried exit. 

Fanny 

Going to window. 

Oh, oh, oh ! As soon as he had money he went 

away — only leaving this letter for me — that was 

waiting for him! 

Taking letter from breast reads. 

"A sudden change in my fortunes takes me 
from you! I dare not ask you to marry me just 
yet ! — Perhaps in a year or two — Fanny, dear, 
will you not wait for me? Your lover, Lettar- 
blair?"— Oh, oh, oh! 

Sits. Polly and Pinckney enter, breathless. 

Polly 

Agitated. 

Oh, Fanny — they say there may be war ! 

Sinks into window-seat. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 131 

PlNCKNEY 

I might be shot — or lose a leg! Polly, how 
could you stand having a wooden leg attached to 
you for life? 

Polly 
Why not? You already have a heart of oak! 

Bravely. 
There, there — 

Rises, and pushes him off into inner room. 

Go finish your packing! 

Goes half-crying to Fanny. 

Oh, Fanny — how hard it is to part with — those 
you love, and not know if you will ever see them 
again ! 

Fanny 

Half-crying. 

Yes, Polly — but it is hardest of all to realise 
that you ought not to have loved them, and to 
pray that you may never see them again ! 

Polly 

What is it, dear? Has not Lettarblair ex- 
plained about the money? 



132 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Fanny 

I will not give him the opportunity ! He is un- 
worthy of it ! 

Polly 

I don't believe he took it! He received the or- 
der — and he left Beechwood immediately — but 
that doesn't prove he made use of it ! 

Fanny 

Oh, Polly, do you really believe that? 

Polly 

I'll be sure of it! I'll go find out! Wasn't the 
the order on the Southampton Bank ? 

Fanny 

No; I had them send it to Lettarblair through 
an order on the Bank of Burmah in London ! I 
did it that roundabout way so that he should 
never trace it — never guess ! 

Polly 

Even so, the bank here would know if the 
money had been drawn ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 133 

Fanny 

True! Oh, Polly, you darling! Here, I'll 
write a line to ask them ! 

Writing a message on her card. 

Polly 

It is near by ! Percy shall come with me ! 

Calls. 
Percy ! 

Fanny 

Giving Polly card. 
But Mr. Pinckney mustn't know ! 

Polly 

He shall wait outside ! 

Pinckney enters. 

Pinckney 
Well? 

Polly 

Taking his arm. 

Come! 

Pinckney 

Devotedly. 
Anywhere !— But, where? 



i 3 4 • CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Polly 

Pushing him to door. 
Never mind ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Aye, aye, sir ! 

Salutes, takes coat from portmanteau in pass- 
ing, exposing Litton's name to view. 

Polly 

To Fanny. 
You wait here — and in ten minutes I'll brinz 

Kisses Fanny. 



you good news 



-if you care for him 



Exit with Pinckney, unconsciously shutting tail 
of Fanny's skirt in door. 



Fanny 

Leaning back against door. 

If I care for him ! — Ah, if I might only speak ! 
It's a wretched thing to be a woman! If we 
could only woo I might tell him all that's in my 
heart. I could ask him to explain — but I must 
see him go away without a word! — Oh, to be a 
man that I might say: "Did you get the money? 




Why, then, these are his rooms ! " Page ij$ 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 135 

What does it all mean? Why do you go away? 
— Stay! I love you!" — If only I were a man 
long enough to say that — and then a woman 
again to hear him answer me ! 

Her right hand falls on- sword that is standing 
against wall. She picks it up and reads the 
tag on it. 

"Captain Lettarblair Litton — Steamer Majestic 
— New York for Arizona." 

Looks about, sees name on portmanteau. 

Why, then, these are his rooms! — Oh, I mustn't 
wait here ! I must — 

Turning to go, finds skirt caught. Pulls at it. 
laughing. 

Dear me! 

Tries to open door. 
— Oh, the handle's gone! 

Tugs skirt harder. Beats on door, calling; 
then waves gloves from window. 

Uncle Ambrose! Polly! Francis Merivale! 
Somebody! — Oh, what shall I do! 

Considers. Begins to unfasten skirt, then 
laughing, changes mind. 

Oh, no! I couldn't go out without it! — Oh, the 
shame of it if he should come in and find me here ! 

Tugs angrily. Suddenly sees handle, 



136 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Why, there's the handle ! 

Goes toward it hastily, but is unable to reach it. 

What shall I do!— Ah, this—! 

Sees sword, grasps it, and tries to reach handle, 
only knocking it further from her. Makes 
futile strokes. 

Oh, I could cry with rage! — Why don't they 
have longer swords ! — Ah, this ! 

Puts scabbard partly on sword to lengthen it, 
and makes more futile efforts, finally drop- 
ping scabbard. Sits despairingly on floor, 
chin on sword hilt. 

What shall I do ! 

Litton 

Under the window, outside. 

All right, Willoughby! Be good to her, poor 

dear! 

Fanny 

He's there ! — That handle — I must get it ! 

Rises, struggling with (kess, and again vainly 
trying to get handle. 

Litton 

To Willoughby, outside. 

Alas, ready money outweighs affection ! Good- 
by ! Good-by ! 




Why, there's the handle ! " Page 136 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 137 

Fanny 

Ah ! Ready money outweighs affection ! I 

must get it ! — Of course ready money outweighs 

affection ! 

Litton 

Climbs in at window, and sits on sill. 

I do believe this wet thing in my eye's a tear ! 

Suddenly sees Fanny, but as her hand is up to 
her face, at first does not recognise her. 
Goes in front of her, amazed. Seeing him, 
she falls back against the door with a cry of 
rage. 

Fanny! — It's Fanny! Fanny! 

Joyfully, approaching her. 

Fanny 

Warding him off with sword. 

Stand back ! Don't dare come near me ! 

Litton 

Fanny, I did not venture to hope for this meet- 
ing. But I am so happy you are here ! 

Fanny 

Keeping him back with sword. 

Don't speak to me ! Stand back ! 



138 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Fanny — I have so much to say to you ! I fear 
you have misjudged me ! I — 

Fanny 

With scorn. 
Oh, no! I have not misjudged you! 

Litton 
Ah, now, Fanny ! You're angry ! 

Fanny 

Loftily. 
Angry! Why should I be angry! 

Litton 

Well, dear, I left abruptly! I owe you some 
further explanation ! 

Fanny 
Oh, no ! You owe me nothing ! 

Litton 

Ah, Fanny, I have to go away! Let me tell 
you — 





■M 



r* 






$ 




CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 139 

Fanny 

Aside. 
I dare not trust myself ! 

To Litton, with hauteur. 

Captain Litton, you will pardon me, but I also 
have to go away! My friends are waiting for 
me ! 

Litton sits at desk, face in hands. 

Good day ! 

Litton turns and bows. 
She starts to go with dignity, but is detained 
by her skirt. There is a pause during which 
she looks despairingly at handle, then angrily 
at Litton. Clears throat to speak to him, but 
changes her mind. Waves handkerchief out 
of window. Overcome with anger and dis- 
appointment, coughs. 

A-hem ! 

Litton 

Turns quickly; joyfully springs up. 

Ah, now, Fanny — you can't go! 



Aside, angrily. 



Fanny 

No, I can't! 

Litton 

Approaching her. 

Dear Fanny, we mustn't part in anger! You 
will hear me! 



140 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 
Fanny 

Aside, feeling skirt, fearfully. 
Pointing to handle. 



It's coming off ! 



Give me that ! 

Litton 

Puzzled. 

What? 

Fanny 

Stormily. 
That— that— that ! 

Litton 

Seeing handle, puzzled. 

What, that ! 

Fanny 

Yes, I want it ! Why don't you give it me ! 
Litton 

Touching handle with foot, then staring at 
Fanny. 

What, that ? 

Fanny 
Yes, that! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 141 

Litton 

Picking up handle. 

Well, but now what's .the good of it to ye ? 
'Tis such a silly thing to be wanting ! 

Tosses it up and catches it. 

Fanny 

Reaching for it vainly. 

Oh ! I hate you ! 

* Litton 

Laughs. 

Forgive me, Fanny — but 'tis such a queer 
keepsake — for that's what you must want it for, 
though you won't give me the satisfaction of 
saying so! But don't take the lock of the door; 
take a lock of my hair ! 

Fanny 

Furious. 

Oh, I'll not stay here to be laughed at! Let 
me go, I command you ! 

Litton 

Surprised. 

But — dearly as I love to< have you, I'm not de- 
taining you ! 



14-3 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Fanny 
I can't get away! — I'm caught in the door! 

Litton 
The devil ye are ! 

Drops handle and goes to her. 

Fanny, this is the work of Providence! The 
gods meant that you should hear me — and you 
shall ! — Oh, I know what you must think — 

Fanny 

I will not hear you ! 

Puts hands to ears. 

I will not ! — You call yourself a soldier ! Oh, 

this is brave, is it not ! 

Litton 

Taking her hands from her ears and holding 
them. 

Fanny — I must speak — I must tell you — 

Fanny 

I will not hear you ! 

Snatches away her hands and again covers 
ears. 

Oh, you are cruel ! Let me go ! 

Cries. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 143 

Litton 

Hastening to her. 

Ah, Fanny, dearest, I'm a brute! Ah, now, 
let me dry your eyes ! 

Trying to dry her eyes with his., handkerchief. 

Fanny 

Pushing him from her. 

How dare you ! Oh, the shame of it ! 
Litton 

Hurt and bewildered. 

Fanny ! 

Fanny 

I know everything! 

Litton 
Eh L You know of my obligation ? 

Fanny 
Yes, yes, I know ! 

Litton 
I couldn't ask ye to share it ! 



144 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Fanny 
No, no ! I know ! — Let me go ! 

Litton 
The difference between us is too great ! 

Fanny 

Aside, turning from him. 

Much — much — much too great! 

Leans, face buried in hands, against door. 

The money has turned his brain ! 

Litton 

Sadly. 

Fanny, Fanny, have you no kind word for me 
at parting? It's a terrible thing to go away with 
nothing to look forward to but what ye leave be- 
hind you ! — My only comfort is the thought 
that's breaking my heart : that you don't care ! — 

Tries to take down her hands. 

I leave England in a few hours — but I will come 
back in a few years ! If I dared ask you to wa.it 
— Fanny, I can't bear your tears! — Don't, don't 
cry, dear heart ! You must see that what I have 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 145 

done is for the best! — I couldn't ask you to be 
my wife yet! — Fanny, please don't cry! — Damn 
the money! — I beg your pardon, Fanny! Say 
good-bye! Fanny, I love you better than life it- 
self! I love you — Don't cry! — Ask me to stay 
— and — Fanny, now Fanny, my sweet sweet- 
heart — 

Fanny utters a cry, and pushes him from her. 
The door opens, releasing her. She runs 
across the room, crying hysterically. 

Enter Merivale. 

Merivale 
Fanny, the trap's ready. 



Has that — ? 



Sees Litton. 



With angry suspicion. 
Enter Polly, pale and breathless, followed by 
Pinckney, the Dean and Hyacinth. 



Polly 

Fanny! Fanny! 

In undertone. 

It is true — the money has been drawn — every 
penny ! 

Fanny 

Shudders. 

Ah!— 

Turns to Merivale. 



146 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Forgive my having doubted you ! 

Merivale, relieved, takes her hand. 

Dean 

My children, Fanny and Lettarblair, is it your 
desire that I join your hands in betrothal before 
you part ? 

Merivale 

Approaching. 

No! It is impossible! 

Litton 

Starts forward to resent this, but checks him- 
self. 

I thank you. Dean, but I can not invite Fanny 
to share my poverty ! 



Fanny 
Poverty ! 



Aside to Polly. 



Merivale 



You mean disgrace! 



Litton 
What do you mean? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 147 

Dean 
Gentlemen — ! 

Merivale 

Pardon, Dean, but I know Litton to be encum- 
bered with a discreditable debt ! 

Dean 

Discreditable? Litton, explain! Merivale, I 
demand an explanation! 

Merivale 

Litton tries to hush it up — but it is the result 
of a dishonourable business transaction of his fa- 
ther's ! 

Litton 

You cur! — Before God he was innocent! 
Merivale 

Playing with his gloves. 
Your word suffices for your friends, Captain 
Litton, but the world would call him an em- 
bezzler ! 

Litton 

Snatches Merivale's gloves, and slaps his face 
with them. 



148 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

You liar ! 

Merivale makes a blow at Litton, but is caught 
from behind by Pinckney, and forced into 
chair. 

Tf there's a God in Heaven you shall pay for 
this! 

Merivale 

Between clenched teeth. 

Yes, I will pay for this ! 



To Merivale. 



Fanny 

Oh, if you have any shame — 

Litton 
Dear old Dad ! 

Merivale 

I must protect you S 

Litton 

Has Miss Hadden given you the right to pro- 
tect her? 

Fanny 

How dare you ask ! You ! 



To Fanny 









" You cur ! " Page 147 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 149 

Litton 

Fanny, I dare all ! I am penniless, but not dis- 
graced ! If you love me — Fanny, will you be my 

wife? 

Fanny 

Vehemently. 

Finally and for ever — no ! 

Litton turns away, broken-hearted. 
Loud shouts outside and first bugle call. Enter 
Jorkins in full marching array, running. 

J0RKINS 

Master — master — it's war, master! War! 



War? 



All 

Commands heard outside, "Irish Fusiliers ! By 
Companies!" "Form Fours!" "By the 
right !" etc. "Quick March !" 

Drum-beat, and fife.. The Girl I left Behind 
Me! Marching. 



JORKINS 

Sepoys have risen! We're ordered to active 

service ! 

All 
Active service! 

Pinckney embraces Polly, shakes hands hastily 
with the others, and again embraces Polly, 
placing her half-fainting in window-seat, and 
hurries off. 



150 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Good-bye, master ! Good-bye ! God bless you, 
master ! Good-bye ! 

Exit rapidly. 
Excitement outside increased. Litton looks out 
of window. 

Litton 
Oh, I must — I must go with them ! 



Merivale 

With a sneer. 

You've sent in your papers ! How can you go ! 



In the ranks ! 



Litton 

Turning quickly to him at the door. 



Fanny faints ; Merivale catches her and places 
her in chair. Band outside louder. Com- 
mands heard : "No. i by the right, march ! 
No. 2 by the right !" Shouts of the crowd 
and the marching of soldiers. 

CURTAIN 
END OF ACT II 



ACT III 



SCENE I 

Office of Seton and Catesby, Solicitors, London. Six 
months after Act II. In the foreground are Mr. Seton's 
desk and revolving chair ; in the background toward the 
right Smithers' high desk and stool. On the right a win- 
dow overlooks a quadrangle ; beyond this a door leads to 
inner offices, and further on is a curtained arch. A large, 
ancient table stands on the left between the fireplace and 
the door that opens into outer offices. Law-books on 
shelves, tin boxes and letter-files appear in utmost order. 
High-backed office chairs are ranged stiffly against the 
walls. In a corner an old clock mounts guard. On the 
mantel-piece tea-things are set out. Mr. Seton is bending 
over a neat pile of papers at the table, while Smithers, pen 
over ear, stands at attention by his desk, receiving in- 
structions. 

Seton 

Now, Smithers, you understand your instruc- 
tions ? 

Smithers 

Perfectly, sir ! 

Knock at door. Smithers opens the door. En- 
ter Fanny, Polly and Pinckney. 

Fanny 
Oh, Mr. Seton, I'm so glad to see you again! 
151 



152 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Seton 

Fanny, my dear girl, you make this legal wil- 
derness blossom like the rose! — Well, Polly, so 
your hero has come back to you ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Yes, indeed ! Aren't you glad to see me alive ? 

Seton 
And when is the wedding to take place? 

Polly 

Hiding face in hands, with pretended shyness. 

Whose wedding? 

PlNCKNEY 

Imitating her. 

Yes, whose ! 

Polly 
Mine? 

PlNCKNEY 

Or mine ! 

Fanny 

Uncle Ambrose and Miss Hyacinth are to set 
the example next week. Here is your invitation ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 153 

Seton 
Delightful !— Now, my dear— 

Fanny 

Guardian, I have something very particular to 
say to you ! 

Pinckney leads Polly to table. 

Polly 

Rummaging among boxes on shelves. 

What a dear old office ! 

Fanny 

To Mr. Seton, with lowered voice. 

Mr. Merivale, I believe, is coming here to- 
day? 

Seton 
He is. Well? 

Fanny 
He wants to marry me. He pursues me with 
it. Will you make him understand it is impos- 
sible? 



154 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 
Seton 

He shall learn it unmistakably from me to-day, 
my dear. Now — 

Polly 

Opening a tin box. 

Biscuits ? Let's have a picnic ! 

Seton 

No, Polly! You will find no sweets there; 
only bitterness and hatred ! — Now, my clear 
young friends — 

Polly 

Having opened another box. 
Here are the biscuits ! 

Fanny 

Good ! Let's have afternoon tea ! I know Mr. 
Seton wants his tea! 

Polly and Pinckney bring biscuits and teacups 
to table ; Fanny goes to fireplace and picks 
up kettle. 

Seton 

Protesting. 

But, mv dear — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 155 

Fanny 

Mr. Smithers, can you get us some boiling 
water ? There ought to be lots of hot water in a 
lawyer's office. 

Smithers 

He takes the kettle ; exit. 
Certainly ma'am! 

Fanny 
Here are tea-cups. But where are the spoons ? 

Seton 

Pointing to Polly and Pinckney. 

There's a couple ! 

Knock at door. 

Come in! 

Merivale enters. He greets Mr. Seton for- 
mally, Fanny with marked devotion, then 
nods carelessly to the others. 

Merivale 

Well, Polly! So your bad penny has come 
back to you ! 

Pinckney threatens Merivale. 

Polly 
Hush, Percy! He may be a bad penny, Mr. 



156 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 



iviei ivai 


LC, ULIL J. 


WUU1U11 L CllclllgC 


111m 1^1 ci owv - 


ereign ! 




Merivale 


Addressing Seton. 


You 


sent for 


me? 

Seton 








Taking up 


letter, sits at desk. 


Yes! 


I wish to read you all th 


e latest news of 


Captair 


1 Litton. 


Fanny 





Going to Seton. 

Ah! You've heard from him — at last! 

Merivale 

Ah, poor Litton! Rather the worse for the 
wars, I hear! 

Leans on mantel. 

Polly 

Indignantly, to Merivale. 

Worse, indeed ! When he's got his commis- 
sion again ! 

Merivale 

Shrugging shoulders. 

Newspaper accounts are sometimes perverted 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 157 

and overdrawn ! In any case honours are useless 
to a man when he's a wreck in mind and body ! 

Fanny 

Horrified, clutching Seton. 
Oh, guardian! Is that true? 

Seton 

Don't be alarmed, my dear! As Mr. Meri- 

vale says, bank accounts are sometimes perverted 

and overdrawn — 

Merivale moves uneasily. 

— Ah, what am I saying ! Newspaper accounts ! 
— Two months ago I received this letter from 
Litton. He writes : 

Reading from letter. 

"I hear that I am said to have received a bank 
order for ten thousand pounds on the day of my 
departure from Beechwood, and to have cashed 
this at the Southampton Bank shortly before 
leaving England. That rumour is false. It was 
debt, not prosperity, that took me away!" 

Fanny 

Qh-h! If we have been mistaken — ! 



158 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Polly 
I was sure it would come out rieht ! 



■fe j 



PlNCKNEY 

Of course! 

Polly and Pinckney go to window. 

Fanny 

Oh, the wrong I have done him ! If only I 
could see him to explain ! Guardian, write him 
for me — ! 

Enter Smithers with kettle. 
S MIT HERS 

Water boils, Miss. 

Polly seizes the kettle ; it burns her hand. 
Pinckney takes it from her, burning his 
hand. Smithers hands a card to Mr. Seton. 

Gentleman to see you, sir! I showed him into 

your private office. 

Sits on high stool at desk. 

Seton 

Reading card. 
A client to see me. Be off with you, all of 
you ! You'll find tea and tea-pot in there ! 

Pointing. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 159 

PlNCKNEY 

Polly, put the kettle on, 

Swinging the kettle, as he and Polly go out. 

We'll all have tea. 

Fanny is about to accompany them, but Mr. 
Seton detains her. 

Seton 
A moment, my dear ! 

Merivale is about to slip quietly out. Mr. 
Seton, turning in chair, notices him. 

Er — a word with you, Mr. Merivale! 

Rises, goes to Fanny. Smithers leaps from 
stool and stands by desk as if to watch 
Merivale. 

Fanny, I hear that while I was away you caused 
the debt to the Crawford estate to be collected ! 
A most unbusinesslike proceeding ! 

Fanny 

Oh, but, guardian — I had to have the money! 
It was for a most worthy object! 

Seton 

But, my dear! Your action embarrassed a 
most worthy object! 



160 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Fanny 

Then give them back the money, guardian — I 
— I don't ever want to hear of it again ! 

Exit, with emotion. 

Seton 

To himself. 

A woman's idea of business : Ruin Peter to 
pay Paul — that is, if she loves Paul! 

Sits at desk. 
Smithers leaps on to stool again. 

Now, Mr. Merivale, what have you to tell me 
about that bank order? 

Merivale 

Nothing, sir — except that that's a damned im- 
pertinent question ! 

Seton 

Indeed ! — Smithers ! 

Smithers approaches Merivale. 

Where have you seen this gentleman before ? 
Merivale 

Looks at Smithers. Recognises him. 

I can tell you ! In Litton' s quarters, the day 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 161 

of the departure of the regiment — when you gave 
him a pretty bad character ! 

Smithers 

True, sir! But I had already seen you once 
before ! 

Seton 

Tell him where and under what circumstances ! 

Smithers 

Two days previous, in London, at the Bank of 
Burmah. I had some reason for thinking Cap- 
tain Litton might call there, and I was waiting 
for him, behind a door, to collect a bill ! 

Merivale 

Laughs, sneering. 
As usual! 

Smithers 
He did not come — but you did ! 

Merivale 
Nothing more probable! I bank there! 



1 62 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Smithers 

After a whispered consultation with the clerk, 
with whom you seemed to be on intimate terms, 
you cashed an order. It was endorsed with the 
signature, "Lettarblair Litton." 

Seton 

You may go now, Smithers ! 

Smithers goes out. 

Well, Merivale, can you deny that you cashed 
that order? 

Merivale 

Moves a chair forward and sits. 

No need to deny it, Mr. Seton. Litton gave it 
me in payment of a debt at cards ! 

Seton 

Do you expect me to believe that Litton would 
gamble with you ? 

Merivale 
Not now, poor devil ! He can't afford it ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 163 

Seton 
Merivale, we are not satisfied that the endorse- 
ment is genuine! 

Merivale 

Turns on Seton. 

You accuse me — 

Seton 

Still seated, turns, facing him. 
— of forgery? I do! 

Merivale 

Rises. Moves away a few paces. 
Is it likely a man would commit a forgery in 
broad daylight, and remain on the spot with 
every chance of detection? 

Seton 
It sounds too glaringly improbable — yet that 

Rises, 
is just what you have done! You planned, hav- 
ing parted the lovers, by marrying Fanny to 
escape detection ; or, if detected, to hush up your 
crime! But, finding that she will not have you, 
you have secretly prepared to leave the country 
with your ill-gotten gains! 



1 64 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Merivale 

Again turns on him. 

What are you saying? 

Seton 

Turning in chair so as always to face Merivale. 

Oh, you have been watched, Mr. Merivale! 
You have been watched ! 

Merivale 

Quite unnecessary. Had you asked straight- 
forwardly I would have told you of the trip I in- 
tend to take ! 

Seton 

Intended, rather! Your vessel sails to-night, 
but without you ! Is it honest business takes you 
to the States? 

Merivale 

Leaning on a chair-back. 

Men have been known to visit the States for 
pleasure ! 

Seton 

Rarely under an assumed name, if they be 
honest ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 165 

Merivale 

This sounds very fine, but you offer me no 
proof ! 

Seton 

Not because it is lacking. I am only waiting 
to' read it to you, link by link, in the presence of 
the man you have wronged — Lettarblair Litton. 

Merivale 

You will have to wait. Litton is lying at the 
point of death in the hospital at Rangoon. 

Picks up his hat and goes toward door. 

Seton 

Takes up letter. 

He was, two* months since — when this letter 
was written! — But he's better; he's well; he's 
here; in England; London; here in my private 
office, ready to confront — 

Merivale hurriedly opens the door. 

Ah, Mr. Merivale, you are not anxious to see the 
Captain ! 



1 66 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Merivale 

You must admit, Mr. Seton, that two to one 
are heavy odds — 

Seton 

. Go now ! To-morrow you will meet me in the 
library of the Deanery at half-past six — 

Merivale 

Insolently. 
I rarely rise so early. 

Seton 

— in the evening. In the presence of Litton 
and the Dean you will hand me the ten thousand 
pounds. And, remember, forgery is felony; its 
punishment penal servitude. Escape is impossi- 
ble, for you are watched! You take a convey- 
ance? Another follows you like fate — and wher- 
ever you go fate is waiting for you, too ! 

Merivale makes a gesture as if to strike Seton. 
Polly, Pinckney and Fanny enter gaily, with 
tea-pot, sugar-bowl, etc. Fanny prepares to 
pour the tea. 

Polly y 

Tea's ready! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 167 

Merivale 

In undertone to Fanny. 

Fanny, dearest — hear me once more! They 
accuse me falsely, of terrible things ! Fanny, 
you know I have always been your friend. 



Cordially. 



Fanny 
Yes ! Oh, yes ! 

Merivale 

Then marry me at once ! 

Smithers enters. 

It would only be generous, right ! I would give 

my life for you ! Come ! 

Takes her hand as if to lead her away. 



Fanny 
No, no ! I can not ! 



Drawing back. 



Smithers 

Pointing over shoulder with thumb. 
Gentleman in there says he's in a terrible 
hurry, Mr. Seton, sir. Says he's due at a levee 
at St. James's palace in fifteen minutes. 



1 68 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Merivale 

Going hurriedly. 

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! 

Seton 

Mr. Merivale, remember your appointment for 

to-morrow ! 

Polly 

Oh, Mr. Merivale, won't you have a cup of 

tea? 

Merivale 

In a burst of passion. 

Tea ! I hate tea ! 

Exit, banging door. 

Polly and Pinckney 

Amazed. 
He hates tea ! 

Fanny 

Offering cup to Mr. Seton. 

Drink it! The longer you wait the colder it 

gets ! 

Seton 

My dear — my client in there — he has a violent 
temper, and the longer he waits the hotter it 
gets ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 169 

Polly 
Is he young and handsome? Let's ask him to 
join us. 

Seton 

Certainly not ! — Get along with you, 

Drives Polly and Pinckney. 
Polly, with your Pinckneys and your picnics ! 

Polly and Pinckney 
Oh, what a naughty temper! 

Taxing Seton as they go, carrying their tea. 

Seton 
And you, too, Fanny — 

Fanny 

Stopping to help herself to sugar, as Polly and 
Pinckney go out. 

Just one more-lump ! 

Goes. 

Seton 
Now, Smithers — 

Smithers 

Has just put a lump of sugar into his mouth. 



170 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Yes sir ! 

He drops it adroitly into hand and pockets it. 
He runs to door at left and opens it. 

Step this way, please, Captain ! 

Ushers in Litton, in full uniform. 

Litton 
And how are you this long day, Mr. Seton ! 

Seton 

Cordially shaking hands with Litton. 

My dear boy! Welcome home! I trust you 
are back on a long leave ! 

Sits at desk again. 

Litton 

I return to India to-morrow ! What is it you 
wish to say to me ? 

Seton 
To-morrow? But — your wound? 

Litton 
A mere scratch ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 171 

Seton 

Taking up newspaper to refer to it. 

A mere scratch indeed, when it took the Vic- 
toria Cross to heal it ! 

Litton 

Would that all wounds were no deeper, and no 
cross harder to bear ! 

Hands busby to Smithers, who places it on 
table behind pile of tin boxes. Exit Smithers. 

Seton 

Referring to paper. 

Here's all England ringing with praises of the 
man who — 

Litton 

Snatches paper from Seton. 

I didn't come from India to hear you read the 
newspaper ! Why did you send for me ? 

Seton 

To confer with you on a matter connected with 
the Crawford estate ! 



172 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

About to sit, leaps up. 

There is nothing more to be said on that sub- 
ject! The debt is discharged, and the matter 
closed ! 

Seton 

Legally, yes ; but something remains to be said 
in equity! 

Litton 

I do not want equity since I never have had 
justice — Where's my bear-skin? 

Looks about for busby. 

Seton 

Yet if you would consent to meet your ex- 
creditor I am sure the outcome would be most 
agreeable ! 

Litton 

Striding forward. 

An income would be more agreeable to me ! I 
refuse to meet my ex-creditor ! 

Seton 
Come, don't say that ! I have arranged to bring 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 173 

you together! — In fact, my client is waiting now 
to see you! 

Places Litton in chair. 

Smithers ! 

Smithers enters. 

Smithers, show in the Heir of Crawford ! — Par- 
don, Captain, but trust an old man's judgment, 
it is for the best ! 

Smithers 

Ushering in Fanny. 
The Heir of Crawford ! 

Fanny starts amazed at seeing Litton. Seton 
signs her to keep quiet. Litton has turned 
his back squarely, so that he does not see her. 

Seton 

Come, Captain — we have gone too far to turn 
back! 

Litton 

Doggedly, with folded arms. 
I haven't gone too far to turn back ! 

Fanny had advanced as if to go to him., but at 
this she starts back, repelled. Smithers exit. 

Seton 
My client greets you in a friendly spirit — 



174 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
I don't hear him ! Is he a deaf mute? 

Seton 

Not at all ! But — while you maintain this hos- 
tile attitude, all communication must be carried 
on through me ! — Come, Captain — 

Approaching Litton. 

it is not like you to turn your back upon the 

enemy ! 

Litton 

Sneering. 

Enemy! — Gentlemen only quarrel with gentle- 
men! 

Seton 

And my client is — 

Litton 

No gentleman — or he wouldn't force himself 

on me! 

Seton 

Well — Hm ! — even were I to concede the point 
my client has another claim on your considera- 
tion ! 

Leading Fanny back of desk. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 175 

Captain ! Turn ! Forgive ! Let mercy and truth 
meet together, then will peace and righteousness 
kiss each other on the spot ! 

Litton 

Savagely. 

Kiss him ! I'd like to skin the fellow ! 

Fanny, startled, jumps back. 

I put it to ye, Mr. Seton : how can I forgive what 
I have not forgotten — never can forget ? 

Seton 
What, Captain? 

Litton 

In a low voice. 

'Twas my father's supposed debt to the Craw- 
ford estate that bowed his head and broke the 
heart in him with a shame which belonged as little 
to him as to God's angels ! 

Seton 
Yes? 

Litton 

Continuing, while Fanny, whose face shows 
surprise and remorse, cries quietly. 

On his dying bed I promised him to take up 



176 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

the burden — as I would have vowed my very soul 
to clear his name ! Now, this man — knowing this 
— what does he? 

Seton 
He dies, acknowledging his error! 

Litton 

Aye! But his successor, knowing that, what 
does he? Makes restitution, you would say? 
Devil a bit ! Calls for everything ! Takes a tech- 
nical advantage which would put Shylock to the 
blush! — Does the Heir of Crawford enjoy all 
this? 

Bitterly. 
Fanny turns away, crying. 

Seton 

The Heir of Crawford listens ! But — my client 
considered that the end to which the sum was to 
be applied might justify the means. 

Litton 

He put an end to my means! Can he justify 

that? 

Fanny shakes her head "No." 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 177 

Seton 

The sum was needed to aid a charity ! A noble 
charity ! Come, Captain, does not that move you ? 

Litton 

A charity! Of all queer traits in the Heir of 
Crawford, the greatest of these is charity! — Ha, 
ha! 

Loud, explosive, scornful laugh, that makes 
Fanny start. 

Seton 

Oh, but consider! Perhaps a home for or- 
phans ! 

Lays a hand on Litton's shoulder. 

Litton 

Doggedly. 

I'm an orphan ! 

Seton 

Suppressing amusement. 
Or a refuge for homeless dogs — 

Litton 
I'm a homeless dog ! 



1 78 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Seton 
Or an — an asylum for indigent bachelors— 

Litton 
I'm an indigent bachelor! 

Seton 

Taking Fanny's hand. 

Or — to bestow a marriage portion on a deserv- 
ing young person — 

Litton 

I'm a deserving- young person — and as for a 
marriage portion — ! See here, Mr. Seton, six 
months ago I was suitor for the hand of a girl — 
far away the sweetest girl in all England ! 

Seton 

Musingly. 

Strange fact, but this touch of human nature 
runs like a thread of gold through the grayest 
woof! Strange — but we old lawyers are sure to 
find, everywhere, tied up in bundles of yellow old 
documents, at the top of a mortgage, or the bot- 
tom of a will, hidden among dead and buried is- 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 179 

sues, always last, but never least, like a bar of 
sunshine in a dark room — the sweetest girl in all 
England ! 

Puts his arm about Fanny. 

Litton 

In a positive tone. 

Not at all,, sir! There never was a case like 
mine! From Mother Eve down there never was 
a girl so sweet as this one ! — How was I to ask a 
girl who ought to have the best the world can 
yield to> share the fortunes of a beggar ! 

Seton 
My client says : Marry her all the same, if — 

Litton 

Your client ! Bad 'cess to him, what has your 
client got to say about me and my — 

Seton 

My client says : Marry her all the same — if she 

loves you ! 

Fanny nods emphatic assent. 



180 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
Aye — if she loves me ! How could I tell ! — 

Fanny hides face on Seton's shoulder. 

How could I press my suit when my suit was in 
chancery! — I suppose she lost faith in me — and 
then — there was some one else ! 

Fanny starts, signals No ! No ! No ! 

Seton 

Moves toward Litton. 

Some one else ! Are you sure ? 
Litton 

Shrugs shoulders. 

I wasn't left in much doubt! Love is far- 
sighted, when he isn't blind ! 

Seton 

Quizzically. 

He hasn't always eyes in the back of his head, 
though ! 

Litton 

He looks before him, sir, even when his head 

is turned completely ! But — 

Groans. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLA1R 181 

— how could I speak to her ! There was a bit of 
a misunderstanding — and exit Lettarblair Litton 
with the devil to pay! — Now is there anything 
more to be said ? Now is the Heir of Crawford 
satisfied ? 

Seton 

No! Nor shall I be till I have joined your 

hands ! 

Goes to Fanny and takes her hand. 

Captain, my client is almost at your elbow ! 
Litton 

Shouts savagely. 

Get thee behind me, Satan ! 

Fanny starts back. 



Seto 



N 



I make one final appeal ! I have set my heart 
on joining your hands ! There is every reason 
why you two should know and love one another ! 

Litton 

The Heir of Crawford may love me all he 
damn pleases — 

Fanny starts, shocked. 



1 82 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

— to me he has been merely a legal obstacle ! I 
swear I will never know him as a man ! 

Fanny laughs. 

And now, unless he desires to contemplate the 
back of a deeply-injured human being he had bet- 
ter withdraw. I wish to go to St. James's, and 
he is in my way ! 

Fanny moves toward the door, as if to go, but 
Seton detains her, considering. Then, with 
a new idea, motioning her to remain silent, 
he leads her up and conceals her behind the 
curtains. This done, he opens and closes the 
door ostentatiously. 

Seton 

Impressively. 
The Heir of Crawford withdraws ! 

Litton 

Rises, turns about with a long-drawn breath 
of relief. 

Phew ! One can breathe freely, at last ! The 
fellow polluted the very atmosphere! 

Seton 
Try some tobacco, Captain ! 

Takes cigar-case from pocket and offers cigar 
to Litton, who accepts it. 




The Heir of Crawford may love me all he damn pleases — " 

Page 181 



CAPTAIN LETT ARBL AIR 183 

There is one thing more to be settled about the 
Crawford estate ! 

Litton 
Is there no end to the Crawford estate? Hang 
the Crawford — 

Seton 

Sitting and cutting off end of cigar. 
Hang it by all means! It will soon be your 
own to do with as you please! — Captain Litton, 
according to the will of the late John Robinson, 
the Crawford estate is to be made over to you on 
the marriage of the present heir, Frances Had- 
den! 

Litton 

Frances Hadden— Fanny — John Robinson — 
the Crawford— What does this mean ! 

Pauses in the act of lighting cigar and replaces 
the spirit-lamp on the table. 

Seton 

Exactly what I have said ! 

Turns about in chair, away from Litton. 



1 84 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

John Robinson was your father's unscrupulous 
friend — 

Litton 

But — his son — the fellow who was here just 
now — ? 

Coming forward eagerly. 

Seton 
Died — years before his father ! 



Litton 

Horrified. 
Have I been abusing a ghost ! The Lord for- 



Seton 

Not at all ! John Robinson, Senior, left his 
property to the child of his only daughter — 
Frances Hadden ! 

Litton 

Tenderly. 

Fanny ! 

Seton 

But on his death-bed he executed a deed of 
transfer — -wishing to repair the injury done to 
your father — 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 185 

Litton 
Poor old Dad ! 

Seton 
— giving the estate to you, at such time as 
Fanny shall marry — 

Litton 

Beginning to grasp it. 

Then Fanny is — ? 

Seton 
The present Heir of Crawford. 

Litton 

Tenderly. 

Fanny, now ! To think of that ! 

Fiercely. 

Then why haven't I known it? 

Seton 
Hm, well — it was not necessary ! Besides, you 
swore you wouldn't meet your creditor ! 

Litton 

You — don't — mean — to say — ? 

Looks about room. 
No, no ! Impossible ! 



1 86 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Seton 
What is? 

Litton 

That Fanny has been here! I should know if 
she were within a mile of the place! 

Seton covers a laugh with his handkerchief. 

Then 'tis with the dead I have been fighting the 
battles of the dead — and Fanny is the rose of 
peace that has blossomed on the battlefield ! 

A pause, slight, but solemn. 
Why did she want this money? 

Sharply. 

Seton 

Fanny wished to secure part of her fortune, 
without his knowledge, to the man she loves ! 

Litton 
Poor — poor little Fanny ! 

Seton 
Nay ! I think it for the best ! 

Litton 
Of course, she knows nothing of this ? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 187 

Seton 

I communicated it to you first, in view of your 
speedy return to India ! 

Turning about in chair, takes from drawer of 
desk two documents. 

Here is a copy of the will ; and here — 

Hands one of these to Litton. 
— the deed of transfer. 

Opens will ; runs eye over contents. 
Fanny, deeply moved, appears between the 
curtains, watching. 

Litton 
She need never know ! 

Lifts deed high in hand. 

I hold in my hand that which comes like a mes- 
sage from the dead; a tardy requital of the in- 
jury of a lifetime, and a complete vindication of 
the honour of my father's name. 

Seton solemnly says Amen. Fanny, inaudibly, 
echoes Amen. Litton, with a quick move- 
ment, thrusts the deed into the flame of the 
lamp. 

Seton 

Turning slowly and absent-mindedly in chair, 
catches sight of him, and, half-rising, tries 
to check him. 



1 88 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Stop ! What are you doing ? Do you realise 
that you are destroying your title to one of the 
finest properties in the United Kingdom ? 

Litton 

Not at all ! Simply making it a wedding pres- 
ent to Fanny ! An illumination in honour of 
Fanny's wedding! — A burnt offering, as it 
were! 

Drops the burning paper, and stamps on it, 
extinguishing it. 

So perish old animosities ! 

Goes hurriedly toward the door, rinding his 
busby as he passes the table. 

Good-bye ! 

Seton 

Agitated, turns toward him, swinging about in 
chair. 

Aren't you going to say good-bye to Fanny ? — 
Have you forgotten Fanny? 

Litton 

Standing near the door. With deep feeling. 

Forget her? — Never! — I can't see her again, 
though ! God bless her ! — Good-bye ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 189 

Goes hurriedly, closing the door sharply be- 
hind him. Seton swings about in chair, 
away from door, as he wipes his glasses. 
Fanny advances, and, kneeling, picks up the 
charred deed, then suddenly bows her head 
on Seton's knee in a passion of tears. He 
smooths her hair tenderly. 



Change of Scene 



Scene II 

On the following day in the garden at Beechwood. To 
the centre of the picture a stately tree spreads its shade oyer 
a rustic bench and a table, on which are apples, and daisies 
in a vase. On the right stands an old, moss-stained, vine- 
wreathed sun-dial. Paths lead in all directions among trim 
flower beds, clumps of shrubs and trees. In the distance is 
a golden vista. Everything betokens peace and old-fash- 
ioned exquisiteness seen through the soft hazes of a mellow 
afternoon. Hyacinth is sitting, listening adoringly to the 
Dean, who is seen approaching playing on his zither, Be- 
lieve me, if all those endearing young charms. 

Dean sits by Hyacinth. 



Hyacinth 

With a sigh of rapture as the Dean ends. 
I could listen to vou for ever ! 



Dean 

Touched, 

My dear Hyacinth \ 



190 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Hyacinth 

Taking her gloves and parasol from the table. 
Does Fanny know that Lettarblair is coming? 

Dean 
Oh, no ! It is to be a surprise ! 

Hyacinth 
I think you mentioned the six o'clock train. 

Dean 

Rising and giving Hyacinth his hand. 

True, my clear ! We had better be starting. 
My horses are such conservatives they are apt to 
be behind time ! 

Exeunt Dean and Hyacinth. Enter Litton. He 
looks about cautiously. Pinckney and Jorkins 
follow him. 

Litton 

Stay by the mare, Jorkins, and— you know 
what to' do! 

Jorkins 

Salutes, and exit. 
Aye, aye, sir ! 




Believe me, if all those endearing young charms " Page i8g 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 191 

Litton 

And you, Pinckney — whistle if those fellows 

grow unmanageable — and for the rest, keep your 

eyes shut, no matter what you see! — Then when 

the last echo of Kitty Tyrrell's hoofs has died 

away, give the detectives this little token, and this 

note. 

Hands money and letter to Pinckney. 

Pinckney 

Hm ! I'd like to cane the fellow before I help 
him escape ! Surely he deserves some punish- 
ment S 

Litton 

Sh! — You're a bit of a sinner yourself! And 
perhaps he has a conscience somewhere! — Go, 
now, quick! 

Pinckney 
It goes against the grain, but — 

Exit. Enter Merivale. 

Merivale 

Well, Litton ! I have always disliked you cor- 
dially ! Well, you have your revenge ! 



1 92 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Sadly. 

God knows I don't want it, Merivale! Tis not 
the sweet thing 'tis cracked up to be! 

Merivale 

You cut me out with the woman I wished to 
marry — and I — I forged your name ! 

Litton 

But for the grace of God I might have forged 
my own name, Merivale! — And — and you can 
make restitution, you know ! 

Merivale 

Sits on table. 
Of course I must make restitution, or suffer a 
most undesirable punishment — or both ! 

Litton 
Have you the money with you ? 

Merivale 
All I could lay hands on ! Unfortunately I had 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 193 

spent three hundred pounds, not calculating on its 
being required of me — at any rate, so soon ! 

Laughs bitterly, slapping breast. 

Nine thousand, seven hundred pounds ! Seton in- 
timated that I must hand it to him to-night in the 
presence of the Dean and yourself ! 

Litton 
Hand it over now, man ! 

Merivale 

Rising, crosses to R. 

Write me an acknowledgement ! 

Takes envelope from breast, counts out the 
money it contains and lays it on table. 

Nine — five — two ones. Nine thousand, seven 
hundred. 

Litton hands him a card on which he has been 
writing. 

What's this? You say "receipt for amount in 
full—?" 

Litton 

Putting envelope with money in breast. 

It shall be the full amount when Seton gets it. 



194 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Merivale 

Hm ! You're a generous enemy, Litton ! I 
may find time to like you better when I am break- 
ing- stones at Botany Bay ! 

Bitterly. 

Litton 

Merivale, 'tis to save you from that I brought 
you here. Quick, man, quick ! Jorkins is wait- 
ing for you over yonder ! You are to ride Kitty 
Tyrrell to the station. 'Tis all arranged; your 
passage taken. In a new world you can start on 
a new life! 

Merivale 

Suppose I decline to accept your kindness ! 

Pinckney is heard to whistle a warning. 

JORKINS 

Putting head round corner. 

Captain, time's up! 

Litton 

Sure, in another minute you won't have a fight- 
ing chance to accept it or decline! — I needn't re- 
mind you of the alternative! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 195 

Merivale 

I accept! — You and Fanny will doubtless enjoy 
many a good laugh together over my— blunder ! 

Litton 
For her own sake, from me she shall never hear 
of it. And if anything can redeem you in my 
eyes, 'tis the thought that in your own way you 
may have cared for her! — Now go! And — 
and — , , 

Slapping Merivale on back. 

I don't want to preach to ye, Merivale, but re- 
member that honesty is the best policy— and even 
if it isn't, stick to it all the same, Merivale! 

Merivale 

Breaking down. 
Oh, God forgive me ! 

Litton 

Solemnly. 

Amen ! And bless you, too, Merivale ! 

Merivale 
Good afternoon, Litton. 

Recovering himself, speaks with assumption of 
jauntiness. 



i 9 6 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Don't forget to hand that envelope to Seton, and 
mention to him that I am unable to keep my ap- 
pointment with him ! 

Exit. 

Litton 

Looks after him and sighs. 
Poor dear old Merivale ! 

Sits on the table, and, taking a letter from 
pocket, reads it to himself, kisses it, then 
reads it aloud several times with different 
intonations, holding it out at arm's length. 
Rises, repeating the words. Whispers them. 
Sits on bench and spreads out the letter on 
his knee, reading it. 

"Come back to me! Fanny!" — Look at that, 
now ! — "Come, back, to, me, Fanny !" Ha, ha, ha, 
ha! Just look at it smiling up at me! Hear it 
calling with her very voice ! "Come! Back! To! 
Me ! Fanny ! — Come-back-to-me-Fanny !" — Ha, 
Ha, Ha! "ComebacktomeFanny — Come — back — 
to— me — " 

Rises, kisses letter, and exit left, still reading it. 
Fanny enters. Polly follows her. 



Fanny 

Looking at sun-dial. 

Oh, dear! Do you believe this tells the time 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 197 

right, Polly ? The shadow takes so long to creep 
around, to-day! 

Polly 
Yes, dear! I shouldn't wonder if the earth 
moved more slowly altogether till the Irish cousin 
comes ! 

• Picking out an apple and taking a large bite. 



Fanny 

Sighing. 

It feels that way ! 



Polly 

But I think, all the same, the trains may run on 
time for the sake of the other passengers ! 

Munches apple. 

Fanny 

Two mortal hours before he gets here ! And 
then— ah, me ! How he must despise me ! 

Polly 
How funny for him to come all the way down 
here just to despise you. 

Munches apple. 



198 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Fanny 

I wrote and asked him to. I mean, to* come! 
I couldn't let him go away forever without tell- 
ing him that I know how noble he is ! — And then 
there are some affairs to settle — and then — ah, 
me! 

Polly 

And then they lived happily for ever afterward ! 
Ah, me ! 

Mimicking Fanny. 

Fanny 

Nonsense, Polly ! Do you think I have no self- 
respect! Do you think I — Oh, no! He will go 
away, and I shall be like a widow or a nun ! Just 
as if he could ever care for me now ! 

Polly 

Takes up a daisy and gives it to Fanny, then 
selects one for herself and plucks out its 
petals. 

We'll see !— There ! That's for you ! And this 
one's for me! — Loves me; loves me not; loves 
me; not; loves; not; loves me! True for you! — 
We'll try again ! Why don't you begin, Fanny ? 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 199 

Fanny 
I'm afraid! 

Polly 

Plucking another daisy. 

'Sme; 'sme not; 'sme; 'sme not; loves me! — 
Of course ! Make haste with yours, Fanny ! 

Fanny 

The risk is too great that way, because if it 
isn't Loves me, it has to be Loves me not ! — I'll 
try a longer road! — "He loveth me; right heart- 
ily ; all silently ; distrustfully ; a fortnight hence ; 
with confidence ; he loves me all in all ; with secret 
smart; with all his heart; till death do part; a 
little ; not—" Oh, dear ! 

Polly 
Well? 

Fanny 

It comes out, "Not at all!" Lying daisy! I 
can not, will not believe it ! 

Flings away the plucked daisy. 



200 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 
Polly 

Still plucking. 

Loves — Not — Loves — Not — Loves ! Look, 

Fanny ! 

Holding up a bunch of stripped daisy heads. 

See what a bunch of "He Loves Me's!" 

Fanny 

Oh, Polly, you are the luckiest girl ! How do 
you manage it that it conies out "Loves Me" 
every time? 

Polly 

It's very simple! I count the petals first; and 
if they're an even number I begin on "Loves me 
not," while if they're odd I start with "Loves 
me !" And then it has to come out right ! Life is 
so much happier if you look at things in that way, 
Fanny ! 

Fanny 

Perhaps it is ! 

Goes to sun-dial and looks at it. 

How slow you are ! Aren't you ever tired of wait- 
ing for your own shadow ? 




" Oh, when he comes I shall say — I shall say — " Page 201 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 201 

Polly 

And when he comes what will you say to him ? 

Litton approaches, still reading letter. He 
starts on seeing the two girls, but at a sign 
from Polly pauses to listen to Fanny. 

Fanny 

In rapturous tones, not seeing Litton. 

Oh, when he comes I shall say — I shall say — 

Clasping hands, rapturously, turns and sees 
him. Very coldly. 

Good afternoon, Captain Litton! 
Litton 



Good afternoon ! 



Polly 



As usual Polly is de trop — Loves me — Loves 
me not ! 

Exit, mocking Fanny. 

Fanny 
Nice day, isn't it! 

Litton 
Ah, Fanny, I'm not here to talk about any- 



202 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

thing so inconstantly constant as the weather ! 
I've come to — 

Fanny 

Putting the sun-dial between them. 

No, please. Not a word till I have had my say ! 
I wrote, asking you to come, before you go away 
forever, because I want you to know that I know 
— I want to explain — 

Litton 

My heart ! Don't explain anything ! Your let- 
ter was sufficient! "Come-back-to-me-Fanny !" 
— and my going away depends entirely on you! 
I don't need to tell you that, Fanny ! 

Fanny 

It's just this : I want you to know that I know 
everything — just how considerate, and good and 
noble you have been — 



Litton 

Impatiently. 

Oh, none of that ! 

Goes to her behind the sun-dial. 




Come-back-to-me-Fanny ! " Page 202 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 203 
Fanny 

Retreating toward table. 

No, please! I want to finish. I want to say 
that I can not accept so great a sacrifice. You 
must take back your own. 

She leans on the table. 

Litton 

Sits on bench. 
It is not mine, Fanny ! 

Fanny 

Emphasising with her fan. 

' Oh, but it is ! It is ! 

Litton 

Absolutely not. There is not a paper in exist- 
ence on which I could base a claim. That you 
can not change. You're the Prince and I'm the 
pauper still ! 

Fanny 

Oh, what shall we do! I want you so to have 
it. I have wanted it all along ! 

Litton 
You know there is something I care for more 



204 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

than anything else in the world. That you can 
give me ! 

Fanny 

With passion, flinging away her fan. 

No, you shan't ask me that ! 
Litton 

Picks up the fan. 
Ah, now, Fanny ! 

Fanny 

Don't you see if you were to ask me to marry 
you now I should always feel that you had done 
it out of pity ! You see, it was for you, and you 
only, and always you, all along, even when I 
seemed to mistrust you ! And you were so noble ! 
I ought to be on my knees to you ! 



Litton 

Fanning himself. 

So you ought ! So you ought ! 



Fanny 

I did such terrible things to you. I told Mr. 
Seton to squeeze you for the money ! I thought 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 205 

you were a corporation or a railroad! But all 
the same it was for you ! 

Sobbing. 

Litton 

My darling ! Thank Heaven I'm neither a cor- 
poration nor a railroad, the squeezing will come 
so much easier on that account ! — I'd sooner have 
you do 1 it than old Seton ! 

Rises and goes to her, but she motions him 
back. 

Well, what shall we do ! 

Fanny shakes head despairingly while wiping 
her eyes. With a new idea. 

I'll tell you, Fanny! If it's any balm to your 
blessed little heart you shall ask me to marry you ! 
Royalty does that, you know, when it desires to 
ally itself with the lowly; so that it won't be any- 
thing out of the way ! 



Fanny 

Relieved. 

Oh, I will ! 

Heroically. 

But— 

Moves a few steps away to the left. 

You must refuse me if you want to ! 



2o6 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 

Airily. 

That's of course ! 



Fanny 

Taken aback. 

Oh! 

Litton 
Well? 

Fanny makes a futile effort to speak. He mim- 
ics her. 

Fanny 
I don't know how to begin ! 



Litton 

Haven't ye had my graceful example to profit 
by? 

Fanny 

Well, then — 

Marches stiffly toward him. 

Captain Litton, will you marry me ? 
Litton 

Shudders. 

Dear me! You'd have sent for a policeman 
and ordered me from the house if I had taken 
that tone ! Much more deferential, Fanny ! 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 207 
Fanny 
It's harder than I thought— Captain Litton, 
please will you marry me? 

Litton 
Och, but you mustn't spring it on a coy crea- 
ture that way! You must lead up to it, now, 

Fanny ! 

Fanny 

Oh, dear ! — But how ? 

Litton 
You must seek to gain my ear with protesta- 
tions of undying affection, and incidentally, 
throw in a few tributes to my charms! Allude 
frequently to my eyes ! 

Fanny 

Well, then- 
Breaks off, scuffing her foot among the fallen 
leaves, while Litton imitates her. 

I think you are quite nice-looking — at times ! 



Litton 

Fanning himself, as if propitiated. 



Ah-h! 



208 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Fanny 

And — I'm very fond of you — and — 

Breaks off, puzzled how to go on. 

Litton 

In a patronising tone. 

Persevere! Use more impassioned eloquence! 

Fanny 
I admire you ! I love you ! 

Litton 
Much too cold and commonplace! 

Fanny 

I think you are perfectly beautiful! I adore 
you ! I worship the very ground you walk on ! 

Approaches him. 

Litton 

Condescendingly. 

Hackneyed, but much better ! 

Fanny 
Listen to me, I entreat you. See- — 

Kneels in front of him. 

I am on my knees to you ! 




" Hackneyed, but much better ! " Page 208 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 209 

Litton 

Why, what makes you do that! It must be 
very uncomfortable ! 

Fanning himself. 

Fanny 

Rises indignantly. 

It isn't fair, at all ! I won't have anything more 
to do with you ! 

Litton 

Ah, now you're beginning to make an impres- 
sion! And if you were to go just a few steps 
away — 

Detains her by his tone as she is about to leave 
him. 

not very far, you know — I should instantly seek 

to lure ye back again ! 

Fans himself. 

Fanny 

I never behaved so to you ! 

Litton 

With feeling. 

No, indeed ! When one day you let me think 
you loved me well enough to marry me, and a 
week afterward — 



210 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 
Fanny 

With deep feeling. 
Oh, Lettarblair, it was all a mistake ! 

Litton 

Then — if I were to tell you that I could not 
live without you — ? 

Fanny 

And if I were to ask you not to try to — ? 

Litton 

Fanny — dear, dearest Fanny! 

He takes her into his arms. Enter the Dean, 
Hyacinth and Mr. Seton. Fanny breaks 
from Litton and goes to sun-dial. 

Dean 

My boy ! Bless your honest face, here you are ! 
— It was all a stupid mistake ! 

Seton 

United to a very pretty bit of legal complica- 
tion! 

Litton 

Yes, ha, ha! I was the stupid mistake, and — 

He takes Fanny's hand. 



CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 211 

I am going to be united to the pretty bit of legal 
complication ! 

Enter Pinckney and Polly. 
PlNCKNEY 

Aha ! I told you so ! 

Dean 

In tone of indulgent reproof. 

Pinckney, sir! The occasion does not call for 

frivolity ! 

He hands Hyacinth to seat and places himself 
beside her. 



Polly 

Taxing Fanny. 

Ah, Fanny ! Pie loves me — Loves me not ! 



Fanny 

Taking a daisy and plucking the petals. 

He loveth me ! — 

Litton 

Plucking the petals with her. 

Right heartily! 

Fanny 



All silently; 



212 CAPTAIN LETTARBLAIR 

Litton 
Distrustfully ! 

Fanny 
A fortnight hence — 

Litton 
With confidence ! 

Fanny 
He loves me — Not at all ! 

Litton 
With secret smart ! 

Fanny 
With all his heart ! 

Litton 
Till death do part ! 

Fanny 
A little— 

Litton 

All in all! 

Polly and Pinckney, Hyacinth and the Dean 
follow with daisies of their own ; Seton with 
one all alone. At the close Litton takes 
Fanny into his arms. 

CURTAIN 



X58 



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